GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS 2019

Poffy The Cucumber

A retconned Godzilla for a short attention span fandom. A Scientist is reanimating monsters (nay, “titans”) from subterranean hibernation around the globe, to bring balance to Earth’s environment through their radioactivity. (Get it? They’re being “woke” in more ways than one.) A titan named Ghidorah makes all the others do his bidding, causing them to destroy rather than renew. Too … Read More

ORPHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Kid Ain’t Kidding. Kids are scary to begin with. Little adults with big heads who pretend they don’t know what we’re saying. They’re like clowns: some people find them fun; most know they’re evil. So in ORPHAN, when an upscale couple with two children adopt a 9-year-old orphan with scary theme music, familial bliss is not in the flow … Read More

AVATAR

Poffy The Cucumber

Electra Glide in Jungle Cat Blue. For the protection of the good, for destruction of evil, and for the establishment of righteousness, I come into being from age to age. — Lord Krishna, avatar of Vishnu, The Bhagavad-Gita. Forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those Who trespass against us… — Yeshua, avatar of Elohim, The Lord’s Prayer. Hubris. Conquest. … Read More

END OF DAYS

Poffy The Cucumber

End of Intelligence. Arnold fans will holler in joy, fans of brainless action will holler in astonishment, and Catholics will just holler. Illogically written by Andrew W. Marlowe and ham-handedly directed by Peter Hyams, END OF DAYS gets The Terminator out of his open-backed hospital gown (Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s return to the big screen after his heart operation), whilst blowing things … Read More