ALIEN 3

Poffy The Cucumber

One Singular Serration… One maximum security prison planet. One xenomorph extra-terrestrial alien. Let the screaming begin. That no one can hear you doing in space… And well I should bastardize the original slogan for the original ALIEN (1979). After the shotgun-sequel ass-klownery of James Cameron’s ALIENS (1986), with hundreds of hissing, cavorting aliens cluttering the frame, the filmmakers of ALIEN … Read More

LEGION

Poffy The Cucumber

Apoca-Limps. Humans against angels at a truck stop diner. Fate of the world in the hands of rednecks. As usual. LEGION follows Angel Michael (Paul Bettany) helping the rednecks fend off the heavenly host sent to wipe out the human race. God’s pissed again. Can you blame him? Y’know, I don’t see eye to eye with Him on anything (on … Read More

FAME 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

Lame. At the time of its release, the original FAME (1980) was out of my demographic – I was too young to appreciate the tribulations of 70’s high schoolers balancing schoolwork and performing arts and aiming for their fifteen minutes. In this tepid remake – now I’m too old to care. Kevin Tancharoen helms this rushed production that flits through … Read More

SOMETHING THE LORD MADE

Poffy The Cucumber

I Heart Heart Surgery. Apparently Mos Def is a rapper. But alongside veteran actor Alan Rickman, we’d be hard-pressed not to regard him as Rickman’s thesp equal. A True Story worthy of movie status. Not another Viet Nam bore-fest or boxer’s tragic rhapsody or musician’s clichéd biopic, SOMETHING THE LORD MADE addresses an aspect so embedded in our modern culture … Read More

CROCODILE DUNDEE II

Poffy The Cucumber

A Crock of Croc. The joke’s wearing a bit thin. Whereas CROCODILE DUNDEE introduced us to the strapping, vital, yet ingenuous Mick Dundee (Paul Hogan), CROCODILE DUNDEE II takes all that was good about the original and, like most sequels, ignores it. Instead – SCARFACE THE TV SHOW, with Hechter Ubarry as Rico (think “ball-less Tony Montana”) and Juan Fernandez … Read More