UNFROSTED

Poffy The Cucumber

Dry outer layer, fake sugary center. It’s really just more of like a kitschy, uh, thing, which is one of the most unfunny—well, maybe it’s just a bad trailer… — Sam Seder, Majority Report. Jerry Seinfeld continues his unblemished record of never being funny. UNFROSTED supposedly recounts a fictional battle between Kellogg’s and Post Cereal to invent the pop tart. … Read More

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EDGE OF TOMORROW

Poffy The Cucumber

Blunt. Cruise. Repeat. Dying in battle is the new way to meet chicks! Right off the bat, EDGE OF TOMORROW involves time-travel, so if you’re one of those chrono-geeks who’s gonna sit there with your slide-rule and try to finger the anomalies, best you leave right now… The Future. Extra-terrestrial aliens have attacked, and Earth armies are on the defensive … Read More

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GARFIELD

Poffy The Cucumber

Flat Cat. Although Bill Murray (who voices Garfield) is truly a real-life simulacrum of the smug, under-enthused comic-strip cat, his intrinsically entertaining “character” was – dare I say it? – Lost In Translation (shout, but don’t hit) somewhere between the vapidity of the script and the orange computer blips representing the eponymous feline in GARFIELD. Garfield’s master, Jon (Blandness, thy … Read More

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