MARY POPPINS RETURNS

Poffy The Cucumber

Return of The VVitch!! MARY POPPINS RETURNS is the sequel to 1964’s MARY POPPINS, where Julie Andrews played a witch who fell from the sky to nanny a British family during their hardship. In this new story, produced 54 years after the original (yet is set about 25 years after the original’s events), Emily Blunt plays the same Poppins witch, … Read More

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THE LADYKILLERS

Poffy The Cucumber

That Rare Occasion a Remake is Better Than The Original! A group of low-rent thieves heist a bank truck with the unwitting aid of a little old lady, whose rooming house they use as a makeshift headquarters. When the old lady discovers their ruse, they decide to dispose of her – but who amongst them has the stones to actually … Read More

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FATHER’S LITTLE DIVIDEND

Poffy The Cucumber

Studio’s Little Dividend. FATHER OF THE BRIDE (1950) was a refreshing original movie, a well-acted, Oscar-nominated comedy that gave us a frazzled father’s poignant perspective on his only daughter being married off. And the sequel, FATHER’S LITTLE DIVIDEND, continues the story of that father-daughter relationship because – money. MGM had a critical and commercial hit with FATHER and rushed through … Read More

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FATHER OF THE BRIDE

Poffy The Cucumber

Furthering The Father. To appreciate this movie, we first have to get over the pointy bras. And the soft-focus females, the high heels and pearls worn around the house by the wife, the married couple’s separate single beds, sleeping with all their clothes on, and the fact that everyone 50 looks 80. Oh, also the black slave. 1950 was such … Read More

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FATHER OF THE BRIDE 2022

Poffy The Cucumber

Latin remake for a new audience… of rich white people. I love Andy Garcia. I’d watch him in any piece of crap. Even crap like FATHER OF THE BRIDE, the 2022 Latin remake of Steve Martin’s 1991 upper middle-class remake of the 1950 Spencer Tracy white privilege classic. The story (written by Matt Lopez, THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE 2010) might have … Read More

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THE ADAM PROJECT

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For the Love of Adam. Never have I cried so much at a time travel film, especially one loaded with this many Hollywood tropes. THE ADAM PROJECT is pretty straightforward in its first two acts, about a pilot from the future who lands in 2022 and enlists the aid of his 12-year-old self to time-travel further back in time to … Read More

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COBRA KAI SEASON FOUR

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The UnMotivation of Terry Silver. Well, we got the exceptional Season One (The Rebirth of Johnny Lawrence,) the very good Season Two (The Re-emergence of John Kreese), the fan-service Season Three (the Reboot of Kumiko and Chozen and Ali with an I) and now COBRA KAI SEASON FOUR, that re-tools the psychopathic tool from KARATE KID 3. Yes, it’s Terry … Read More

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BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM: DELIVERY OF PRODIGIOUS BRIBE TO AMERICAN REGIME FOR MAKE BENEFIT ONCE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

Poffy The Cucumber

For Make Benefit of US&A. I was terrified that if Trump got in again, that America would be a democracy in name only… I felt very clearly from the start of the last administration that we were heading towards authoritarianism. And so I felt I had to do something. — Sacha Baron Cohen The moral of this story: You fuck … Read More

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DEATH TO 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

Like telling 9-11 jokes on 9-12. DEATH TO 2020 – an uncomfortable mix of bad history and worse comedy. “Bad” not meaning it’s incorrect information, but that the information is not edifying or satisfying. Because we’ve all just died through it – lost our jobs, our lives, our loved ones. As crazy as this sounds to say, watching a documentary … Read More

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THE SLEEPOVER 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

The Sleep Through It. THE SLEEPOVER is made from the scrapings at the bottom of the cliché dumpster, as two kids discover their boring suburban mum is an ex-super-thief blackmailed into one last job, and must use their plucky ingenuity to rescue her from her criminal organization. Because a teen girl and pre-teen boy totally have enough worldly knowledge AND … Read More

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ROB SCHNEIDER: ASIAN MOMMA, MEXICAN KIDS

Poffy The Cucumber

You Can’t Do Eet. For a guy whose catchphrase is “You can do it!” Rob Schneider has spent decades proving that he can’t. In ASIAN MOMMA, MEXICAN KIDS, Adam Sandler’s number one unfunny bottom bitch takes to the stage for his first ever Standup Special in Salt Lake City (just days before the Dumbo Donald Virus Shutdown in March 2020) … Read More

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DAVE CHAPPELLE: 8:46

Poffy The Cucumber

The Number of the Beast. Dave Chappelle vents on the death of George Floyd and the re-fuel of a movement. June 6, 2020. An open-air venue, Wirrig Pavilion in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Can’t be more than a hundred people attending, temperature-checked as they enter, all masked; seating in twos on cheap wooden chairs, each pair isolated from the rest. Is … Read More

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SPACE FORCE 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

If the comedy isn’t there – Force it. There was no show, there was no idea; it was really based on nothing, except a name that made everybody laugh. — Steve Carell. Who knew that a pointless, ignorant, non-sequitur, idiotic utterance by the 45th president of the United States could be turned into a pointless, ignorant, non-sequitur, idiotic Netflix show? … Read More

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THE WRONG MISSY

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The Wrong Wishy. A movie filled with characters you want to kick in the head, THE WRONG MISSY is an Adam Sandler production that hits all the wishy-washy romcom clichés as it falls out of the douchebag tree. You can smell the high level of stink in Adam Sandler productions like these, because even Adam Sandler won’t star in them, … Read More

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ANTHONY JESELNIK: FIRE IN THE MATERNITY WARD

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Pagan Prophet. Dropping a baby – that’s just what he does. According to Anthony Jeselnik, he’s “never held a baby… to completion.” Directed by Marcus Raboy, shot in New York, FIRE IN THE MATERNITY WARD is Anthony Jeselnik’s second Netflix Standup Special, his fourth “album” of material. And he’s still twisting people’s panties into pretzels. Media itself has become so … Read More

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JERRY SEINFELD: I’M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME

Poffy The Cucumber

I’m Telling You So You Won’t Waste Your Time. Looking like a cross between John Travolta and Jon Stewart, 44-year-old Jerry Seinfeld launches his second Standup Special with the force of an atom bomb being stopped from exploding. With a star-studded cold open funeral skit that features the greats George Carlin and Garry Shandling, the goods Paul Reiser and George … Read More

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JERRY SEINFELD: 23 HOURS TO KILL

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A made-up, bogus, not-necessary special event. In an effort to sound less vanilla, Jerry Seinfeld tries to “Carlin up” his 2020 Standup Special – and winds up just another shade of vanilla. To comedy aficionados, the words Seinfeld and Carlin should not be uttered in the same breath (and I too am paying the penance for my utterance, by spending … Read More

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BILL HICKS: RELENTLESS

Poffy The Cucumber

Today, a young man on acid… We need more comics today with the unbounded passion that Bill Hicks expresses in RELENTLESS – his disdain of all things that Satan is responsible for: religion, sex in advertising, the Supreme Court, rock stars who sell out, the stupidity and avarice of politicians, and women who don’t like giving blowjobs. Filmed in Montreal, … Read More

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BERT KREISCHER: HEY BIG BOY

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Not wearing big boy pants. He’s fat, half naked and not that funny. In his 3rd standup Special, BERT KREISCHER: HEY BIG BOY, Bert gives away his best in the trailer. Literally, the joke sequence that opens the trailer – about his wife catching him watching porn – is the funniest bit. The marketers have put this in the trailer, … Read More

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DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

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Black Wiseau. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME is a comeback film for Eddie Murphy? That’s a well-deserved question mark! As its filmmakers whine about being snubbed at the 2020 Oscars, they neglect to mention they’ve made a formulaic film about a conman with questionable product that deserves attention only as a novelty. As a historical figure, the flamboyant Rudy Ray Moore … Read More

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