Tainted Saints and Sainted Taints. I really wanted to like THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK. Hey, it’s a prequel to THE SOPRANOS, the best television show in the history of television. But it’s not quite a prequel and not quite THE SOPRANOS… … Not quite a prequel because the character that was the blood and bone of THE SOPRANOS – … Read More
FIRST MAN
First Maudlin Man. That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for Mankind. — Neil Armstrong, Apollo 11, June 1969. FIRST MAN is a strange piece of dramatic fiction. Not a biopic; not a historical document. Following Neil Armstrong on his pioneering Apollo 11 Moon landing, instead of a science-driven, or politics-driven docudrama, movie attempts to find an emotional … Read More
ANT-MAN
Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Who woulda thought OUR IDIOT BROTHER would become a superhero? Paul Rudd is the eminently likable yet totally miscast lead in Marvel’s ANT-MAN, a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero. Master electrician and not-so-master burglar Scott Lang (Rudd) is recruited by reputable scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) to … Read More
NON-STOP
A particular set of thrills. An air marshal must stop a mysterious texting terrorist carrying out his threats to kill one person every 20 minutes. And sending poo emojis. The airplane thriller NON-STOP is, in fact, non-stop thrills, with Liam Neeson plying his intensity as air marshal Bill Marks (basically a reprise of his role as Bryan Mills, special forces … Read More
THE BOURNE LEGACY
The Bourne Non-Identity. Poor Jeremy Renner! First he takes a job as the least of THE AVENGERS, now he’s on a job as the least of the BOURNEs! He’s a good actor, he’s got charisma, he’s inshape, seems like a nice guy – but when will he get a break as a leading man? Jason Bourne IS Hawkeye! THE BOURNE … Read More
BLACK MASS
In the Name of da Fahder, da Son, and da Hollywood Spirit… The thing is… you’ve got the wrong Bad Guy. BLACK MASS is supposedly a tale about “the most violent criminal South Boston has ever known.” But when all the slogans say this, they’re looking at James “Whitey” Bulger. Even whilst adding that Bulger worked hand-in-glove with the corrupt … Read More
SALT
DIE HARD With A Vagina. A bunch of guys chase after Angelina Jolie. So what’s new? Opening scenes of SALT show a sexy, bloodied blonde (Angelina Jolie) being dragged from a North Korean prison cell and tortured; she’s waterboarded, beaten, punched, screamed at; she’s slim, busty and naked – except for her exquisite frilly white lace bra and panties. You … Read More
THE NUMBER 23
The Number of the Least. It just don’t add up! Numerology – utter coincidence coupled with utter stupidity. Try telling that to the EVP fake-moon-landing 9/11-conspiracy empath-candle what’s-your-sign bible-thumping bobbleheads. When dogcatcher Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) reads a mysterious book called The Number 23, he begins to realize how much the number 23 figures in his life, from his birth … Read More
LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN
Überhip Ünderworld. Embedded in the canon of hip street-thuggery, there is Scorcese’s GOODFELLAS, there is Tarantino’s PULP FICTION, there is Ritchie’s SNATCH – all periodically panned for their filmic stylings, yet garnering indirect accolades through their wealth of imitators – but if there is such a thing as “too hip,” Paul McGuigan‘s LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN would be choking on its … Read More