GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Badness and Sadness on the Superhero Superhighway. It’s like that rock star yell: “Are you having a good time?” And despite the mistakes, the bad harmonies, the hot sweat, the elbows in your groin, you scream back, “YEAH!” Because the energy of the performance and the sincerity of your heroes make the journey worthwhile. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL.2 captures … Read More

STARCRASH

Poffy The Cucumber

Star what now?– A smoking hot chick in a bikini, a robot named Larry the Cable Guy and a guy with a perm to die for, go in search of Princess David Hasselhoff, who is the son of Christopher Plummer, the Emperor of the First Circle of the Universe. Stop laughing. It’s STARCRASH, a film which outright plagiarizes STAR WARS … Read More

SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

Poffy The Cucumber

‘Tard-nado. When Gary Busey is the smartest person in your movie, you’ve got a real fucken problem. Busey is scientist Dr. Loosedentures in SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS, the fourth film in a franchise which should be expunged from filmic archives with extreme prejudice for systematically dismantling the intelligence of an American population that is already teetering on the edge of … Read More

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!

Poffy The Cucumber

Trumpeting Incompetence. When David Hasselhoff is the best actor in your movie, you’ve got a real fucken problem. Clearly preempting a suitable title for any review, SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! takes all that is good about movie-making and science and acting, and shit-squirts it up against the wall like dysentery. Director Anthony C. Ferrante and writer Thunder Levin got … Read More

THE NEW GUY

Poffy The Cucumber

Once a Dork… So I’m totally writers-blocked one night while trying to finish my script, SHIFTER. And I’m channel-surfing cable, my mind a blank, settling in to a long night of unproductivity, wondering fearfully – like everyone who experiences the steel wall of Writer’s Block – how I’ll ever be able to string words together again, when suddenly – THE … Read More