SWING VOTE

Poffy The Cucumber

Blockheading the vote. Plot of SWING VOTE is stupider than a session of the United States Congress: in a presidential election, citizen Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner) misses his last voting day, so his young daughter (Madeline Carroll) fraudulently casts what she believes to be his vote, but the electronic voting booth malfunctions, and due to the two candidates being in … Read More

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

Poffy The Cucumber

A Giant in a midget’s movie. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE has become a national treasure due to its deceased star. I’m here to prove that the title itself is a misnomer and that the movie’s status has been conflated with its star’s talents; movie itself is dated, embarrassing, out-of-touch and very, very gay. And not in that fabulooouus way either. … Read More

TRUE GRIT

Poffy The Cucumber

Flight of The Rooster. No one should go to the movies unless they believe in heroes. — John Wayne. Ironic that John Wayne should talk of heroes when his most iconic role, that of Rooster Cogburn in TRUE GRIT, is anti-hero, taking The Duke beyond his safety zone of pure-hearted, white-hatted, virginal good guy-ism and into the dark realm of … Read More

TRUE ROMANCE

Poffy The Cucumber

Delicious Vicious, Frantic Romantic. A brazen thug-fest, played like an adventure story for boys. Tony Scott (TOP GUN, DAYS OF THUNDER) directs TRUE ROMANCE, but it’s got Quentin Tarantino‘s stank all over it – delicious dialogue juggled with vicious gun play. Though Tarantino is listed only as “writer,” TRUE ROMANCE seems to be the middle child of what could be … Read More

SPEED

Poffy The Cucumber

Driving Miss Dazey. Play the drinking game to this movie, for every time you hear the words, “Hang on!” You’ll end up drunker than Lindsey Lohan. SPEED – an action movie that delivers a thrill a minute, almost as often as you have to take a drink – arguably put Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves and director Jan de Bont on … Read More