RIO 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Flocking dork and deceitful bitch road trip. Jesse Eisenberg has two speeds: superdork nebbish and fast-taking schemer. In RIO 2, he’s phoning it in as the former. Eisenberg returns as rare macaw parrot Blu, who is now married to his parrot love interest from RIO, Jewel (voice of Anne Hathaway), so there is a noticeable lack of the romantic frisson … Read More

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THE SANTA CLAUSE 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Papa’s got a brand new bag – I mean, wife. Due to THE SANTA CLAUSE 2, Santa Claus must find a wife or he will magically stop being Santa Claus, presumably leaving one billion spoiled brats on Earth wailing in frenzy for their free toys. It’s eight years later – in real time and movie time – since THE SANTA … Read More

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RIO

Poffy The Cucumber

Rio de Generic. Named RIO, one would expect a flashy, exuberant, carnivale dance-a-vale rainbow spectacle. One would be wrong. Rather, an uninvolving tale of a rare blue macaw and his intended mate on the run from poachers, while his owner and her soon-to-be mate try to track them down. Cue seen-it-a-million-times face. Jesse Eisenberg voices Blu the parrot, abandoned at … Read More

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DECK THE HALLS

Poffy The Cucumber

Ferris Bueller’s Slay Off. DECK THE HALLS is about selfishness, envy, assault, infantile bickering and malice aforethought. That’s right – it’s about Christmas. Buddy Hall (Danny DeVito), in trying to alleviate his self-esteem issues, decides to light up his house so brightly it can be seen from space. Luckily, it’s Christmas, when snideness and unbridled, irrational spending are rife in … Read More

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SUPER SIZE ME

Poffy The Cucumber

Eat It To Death. Okay okay, I got a funny story for you – but the kids have to leave the room…When I was 23, I convinced my young girlfriend to teach her girlfriend how to – shall we say – “eat” me. As immoral, boastful and enviably man-tastic as that may sound, the punchline is: I coerced them into … Read More

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