E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of the Phoning Scrotums. E.T. can levitate. How then does he get left behind on Earth in the first place? D’oh! Used to be the greatest movie ever. When we were ten. From a story by Melissa Matheson, immortalized by director Steven Spielberg (back when he considered aliens benign and wonderful), E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL follows an extra-terrestrial alien named … Read More

BATMAN FOREVER

Poffy The Cucumber

From Dark Knight to Boogie Knight. After Tim Burton gave us the brooding BATMAN (1989) and the dark-yet-kinda-silly BATMAN RETURNS, he relinquished the director’s chair to Joel Schumacher, who promptly made Batman fruitier than Adam West. In BATMAN FOREVER, the third installment of the modern Batman legacy, Val Kilmer is the fruit bat whom we cannot be sure is hero … Read More

50 FIRST DATES

Poffy The Cucumber

Fuggedaboudit! Another Adam Sandler movie. Another Chick Flick. Another romantic comedy. Another film that Rob Schneider appears in. All in all, another Spectacular Waste Of Time. 50 FIRST DATES is almost as painful as the brain injury it makes fun of. Henry (Sandler) is a marine biologist at a SeaWorld in Hawaii. (If you can conceptualize Adam Sandler as a … Read More

CHARLIE’S ANGELS FULL THROTTLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Too much style IS a bad thing. Despite the consensus that Cameron Diaz wantonly proffering her backside like a baboon in estrus makes for good cinema, my existence would be incalculably enhanced if I never witness this repulsive rectal display cloaked in ostensible good-natured humor ever again in my short span on this earth. CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE is so … Read More