CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE

Poffy The Cucumber

Tits and Guns and Blood and Tits. Jason Statham‘s big-dick energy once again sees him running rampage in Los Angeles streets, mowing down gangsters, and getting laid in public. This movie’s predecessor, CRANK (2006) followed hitman Chev Chelios (Statham) after he was injected with a drug that would kill him if his adrenalin dropped below a certain level. Think SPEED … Read More

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FOUR CHRISTMASES

Poffy The Cucumber

Four times the noxious. FOUR CHRISTMASES would be nothing without Jon Favreau dry-humping Vince Vaughn‘s twisted arm. Best part of the movie. I laughed out loud. Then the movie kept going. Unfortunately. In this uneven comedy, Brad (Vaughn) and Kate (Reese Witherspoon) are a boisterous, adventurous young couple who studiously avoid visiting their dysfunctional families every christmas, opting to take … Read More

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CRANK

Poffy The Cucumber

Crank-y. Super stylish. Super amped. Super shallow. Still, any movie that opens with Quiet Riot’s Bang Your Head scarring the soundtrack can’t be all that bad. And writer-directors Mark Neveldine‘s and Brian Taylor‘s CRANK isn’t all that bad. It isn’t all that good either. A hitman, Chev Chelios (Jason Statham, as British as fuck), has been injected with The Beijing … Read More

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