THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

Poffy The Cucumber

Back and There – Again… Swooping over mountainscapes aglow with ice, through subterranean caverns ahowl with goblin revelry, over battlefields strewn with armored death, through the living forests of Mirkwood and the majestic spires of Rivendell… damn, it took me a long time to get to the theater! The epic journey begins; the prequels, if you will, to THE LORD … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

9

Poffy The Cucumber

Sock It To Me. Sock puppet apocalypse! First, allow me to register a complaint: Tim Burton’s name is bandied about this production like it was his to bandy. Even the intriguing trailers stank of advertising Burton. Tim Burton is one of the producers and his name is for marquee strength only. “9” is solely the vision of animator-writer-director genius Shane … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS

Poffy The Cucumber

When Wizards Collide. Gandalf is SUCH a badass! Wizard against Balrog in a film opening so power-hammering it is astonishing that writer-director Peter Jackson didn’t score a cross-promotion rollercoaster ride at Universal Studios called The Falling Balrog. THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS opens at the middle of the last film, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001), as … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

DEEP IMPACT

Poffy The Cucumber

Deep Hurting. DEEP IMPACT is one of those movies where you just know that at some point, someone is going to shout “Get the hell outa there!” long after it’s too late the get the hell outa there. Sure enough, someone does. Trouble is, that someone is The Legend Robert Duvall… oh, ye gods! Did he need the money that … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Poffy The Cucumber

ETERNAL shines, then dims. Darkness piled upon darkness, steeped in disturbing dissonance; a glutting, suffocating despair; a stultifying of the spirit and a crippling of the ego. No way out, no way out… no, not the movie – my last relationship. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND opens with a disoriented Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) wondering how he sustained a … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Poffy The Cucumber

deus ex tolkiena. Okay, tattered robes deployed? – check; multiple story lines at the ready to entwine and entangle viewers? – check; sets constructed on a budget which would’ve stamped out hunger in Ethiopia? – check; everyone smeared in poo? – check – let’s roll! Trust me, Gentle Viewer, if you’ve not seen the first two installments of this bloated, … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

Poffy The Cucumber

The Bling’s The Thing. “Yeh, Woodstock – I was there.” What – as a pair of gametes in two people who were making out while watching Alvin Lee and Ten Years After, you 21 year old peach? Much like Woodstock, John Ronald Reuel Tolkein’s oeuvre has insinuated itself into First World vernacular and most Real Worlders – even if they … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •