THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE

Poffy The Cucumber

Starving for ideas: Catching Cold. In THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE, the two models who survived the Hunger Games last year are forced by the Capitol to go on a Tour through the 12 Districts to rub it in everyone’s faces. And our faces too. Then they just repeat the last movie. And rub that in our faces too. In … Read More

THE HUNGER GAMES

Poffy The Cucumber

The Dum-ber Games. THE HUNGER GAMES gets caught up being a kid’s actioner with a hot chick, even though it originates as a grim commentary about class warfare. With a hot chick. It’s the dystopian future. (Sheesh! Either it’s ‘apocalyptic’ or ‘dystopian’ – isn’t there ever a boring samo-samo future in mankind’s future?) And the ruling classes tyrannize the underclasses … Read More

MOVIE 43

Poffy The Cucumber

Disgusting Inappropriate Filthy Hilarious Hellspawn Godsend. Specifically designed to make you call your Congressman and complain, MOVIE 43 will offend, distress, embarrass, infuriate, ejaculate, and give you anal warts. Not your average ensemble cast movie where everyone is trying to be more serious than their peers in order to win that Golden Globe, MOVIE 43 takes its A-Listers, jams them … Read More

THE LEGO MOVIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Will knock your block off! THE LEGO MOVIE is a maximus overload of cinematic revelry; a riotous brick house of bedazzlement. Action, spectacle, romance, cultural refs, fueled by goodness and badness and cuteness. And millions and millions of Lego bricks. Emmett Brickowski (voice of Chris Pratt) is a little Lego man, with perfect Lego hair, living in a perfect Lego … Read More

OUR IDIOT BROTHER

Poffy The Cucumber

Our Idiot Movie.  A gentle, gullible soul causes problems for his three sisters with his big mouth. OUR IDIOT BROTHER is Paul Rudd. Busted for selling dope to a police officer (who was in uniform and asking for dope), Ned (Rudd) has just exited jail, with no job and nowhere to live, so juggles his time between his three sisters, … Read More

ROLE MODELS

Poffy The Cucumber

Old rockstars never die – they just become movie references. Any movie that is such homage to KISS can’t be all that bad. KISS is, after all, the role model for four generations of rock bands. Beth, Rock and Roll All Night, Love Gun, Detroit Rock City – sung or heard as source music; a KISS pinball machine; Seann William … Read More

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

Poffy The Cucumber

Sweet and Sour Hanky Skanky. “Sweet” might not be the first word that comes to mind when thinking of a movie with the word “Porno” in the title – but that’s exactly what this movie is: a heartfelt romantic comedy. Oh God! I almost vomited – I never thought I’d see the words “heartfelt romantic comedy” typed onto my sacred … Read More

THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN

Poffy The Cucumber

Most fun you can have not having sex. Judd Apatow’s THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN has a premise which is utterly ridiculous, a story utterly preposterous and a cast utterly hilarious. Steve Carell is Andy, the eponymous 40-year-old virgin, enjoying his bachelorhood working at an electronics store by day, painting action figures and playing video games by night. After Andy’s … Read More

W.

Poffy The Cucumber

Putting the W in WMD. First came RAIN MAN. Then FORREST GUMP. Now, in a long line of congenital idiots, comes W. But wait, Bushies! Do not dismiss this movie as leftie revisionist conspiracy. Director Oliver Stone‘s W. is a fair and balanced representation of America’s 43rd president, George Walker Bush. Insert joke: “which means it shows him as the … Read More

SPIDER-MAN 3

Poffy The Cucumber

Really Swingin’. What an adventure! SPIDER-MAN 3 is a swingin’ soiree; a chill-er thriller ladykiller that tops both its previous incarnations with smooth-headed, web-spangling adventure and vibrant, flesh-colored emotion. Heroes tainted by evil, villains infused with poignancy, lovers circling in triangles and Topher Grace as the meanest metrosexual this side of AMERICAN IDOL. Writer-director Sam Raimi bats it out of … Read More

INVINCIBLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Vince-ible. …really wasn’t all that good a movie – but he looked hot in it. — my female friend. Pretty much sums up the Mark Wahlberg vehicle, INVINCIBLE. Written like a Runaway Cliché by Brad Gann and directed well by Ericson Core, INVINCIBLE is the usual “Inspired by a True Story” film that is itself geared to inspire. Grimace. Though … Read More