X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

Poffy The Cucumber

The Wolverine Show, Part VII. Wolverine goes back in time to unify the X-Men of the disco past to stop an event that brings into existence giant robots called Sentinels, who are systematically wiping out X-Men of the dystopian present. It’s a heart-gripping, tension-filled, magnificent, sprawling epic – that doesn’t make one lick of sense! X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST … Read More

SUPER

Poffy The Cucumber

Super Dupe-r. Didn’t somebody already make SUPER and call it KICK-ASS? In SUPER, Rainn Wilson (THE ROCKER) is the putty-muscled nerd who has had enough of bad guys, adorning himself in flamboyant, ill-fitting costume and pipe-wrench, to become the scourge of small-time hoods with his catch-cry, “Shut up, crime!” Like his counterpart in KICK-ASS, Frank D’Arbo (Wilson) also wonders why … Read More

HARD CANDY

Poffy The Cucumber

For Unlawful Carnal Carnage. A man picks up the wrong underage girl to molest. Oh, he gets screwed all right – but not in the way he planned… Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed. (Anonymous) Funny or disgusting? If you’re a schoolboy, it’s hilarious. If you’re a fundamentalist Republican hypocrite, you’ll pretend it’s disgusting to your constituents – until … Read More

INCEPTION

Poffy The Cucumber

Dreaming in Black and Baby Blue. Who was it that said, “Leo is soooo dreamy”? Everyone. So what’s all the fuss over INCEPTION? It’s Leo being dreamy; that is, appearing in people’s dreams. And hasn’t Leo appeared in ALL our dreams at some point? Ahem! Onward… Written, produced and directed by Christopher Nolan, INCEPTION proves once again that while everyone … Read More

JUNO

Poffy The Cucumber

Verging on Virgin-on-Virgin. I know that JUNO was a big hit with the pedophiles and sweaty-mouthed goons trying to catch a glimpse of sugartit, but I just have to get this off my flat green chest: Sorry Jason Reitman (director) and Diablo Cody (writer), but this movie doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Are you trying to purvey the underage pregnant … Read More

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND

Poffy The Cucumber

X-eunt in X-asperation. Action without heart. Spectacle without logic. Brawn without brains. Director Brett Ratner balances on Bryan Singer’s shoulders, attempting to hold up the mutant world Singer so reverently rendered in X-MEN (2000) and X-MEN UNITED (2003). But he falls off – and helms X-MEN: THE LAST STAND, the third in the x-franchise, with as much reverence and talent … Read More