2 FAST 2 FURIOUS

Poffy The Cucumber

2 Fast 2 Bi-Curious. THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS was so successful that Universal Pictures had to have a sequel, so they did the smart thing and threw out all the characters from the first movie and only kept the prettiest girl for the sequel, Paul Walker. (Actually, all the characters were asked to return, but Vin Diesel turned down … Read More

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THE OTHER GUYS

Poffy The Cucumber

Finding the Other Mark Wahlberg. When two outlandishly virile street cops are downed by their own hubris, the race is on to see which desk jockeys can step up as the next department heroes. The supercops are Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson, on minimum screentime and maximum testosterone; taking satirical aim at the exact macho roles they’ve played all … Read More

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GHOST RIDER

Poffy The Cucumber

Queasy Rider. If there’s another word for idiocy, I think that word is GHOST RIDER. Sloppy editing, juvenile direction and idiotic writing make this the number one feel-retarded movie of the year. And Nicolas Cage in eternal mourning-faced mode as the Ghost Rider doesn’t help any. He is stunt biker, Johnny Blaze, employed by the devil (Peter Fonda, embarrassing himself) … Read More

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HITCH

Poffy The Cucumber

Hitch Cock. This film needs a brain-frying dose of Tom Leykis (radio “professor” with strict set of dating tenets – “Leykis 101”: “Never spend more than $40 on dates; Three-date limit until tail; Never sleepover at your place; No gifts ever to booty calls and women you date; Do not change who you are for a woman; No weekend dates … Read More

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