AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Poffy The Cucumber

Deus ex Marvela. The Elevator Pitch: “Think: BACK TO THE FUTURE meets STAR TREK IV – the Avengers travel back in time, to retrieve these McGuffins in the past that will fix things in the present.” And producer Kevin Feige asked, “Can it be wacky, like in BACK TO THE FUTURE where they’re sneaking around their past selves and suddenly … Read More

ANT-MAN AND THE WASP

Poffy The Cucumber

Quantum Cop-Out! ANT-MAN AND THE WASP cops out on its grandest concept – the quantum realm! In ANT-MAN (2015), Dr. Hank Pym warned Ant-Man not to turn off his regulator, for fear of shrinking too small and entering the Quantum Realm, “…where all concepts of time and space become irrelevant as you shrink for all eternity.” The key phrase – … Read More

ANT-MAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Who woulda thought OUR IDIOT BROTHER would become a superhero? Paul Rudd is the eminently likable yet totally miscast lead in Marvel’s ANT-MAN, a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero. Master electrician and not-so-master burglar Scott Lang (Rudd) is recruited by reputable scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) to … Read More

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

Poffy The Cucumber

The wrath of Tolkien, the majesty of Jackson, the fickleness of Fandom. Wizard Peter Jackson concludes the movie trilogy that stole his baby fat. THE HOBBIT comes to a spectacular end – greed, fury, purity of heart and interspecies love – to the wonderment of appreciative moviegoers and the chagrin of sniveling purists. THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE … Read More

Poffy’s ODE to | Evangeline Lilly

Poffy The Cucumber

ElVen ANGEL mINE. Oh, to be green With Evangeline Lilly, oh Lilly You pointy-eared filly. Don’t trust myself Around your She-Elf. Your arrows of love Are par for the course Do to me please Like you do that Dwarf. Below the beltway You make me feel Like REAL STEEL. Battle dagger hips Steven Tyler lips Stay awhile Cave troll style… … Read More

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of the Action Sequences. Hobbit Bilbo Baggins and the troupe of Dwarves from Erebor continue their quest through Middle Earth to reclaim the Dwarves’ homeland from the Dragon Smaug. Along the way they are attacked by Orcs, cocooned by giant spiders, imprisoned by Elves, barreled through rapids, smuggled by a boatman, sculpt a statue of gold, and ascend through … Read More

REAL STEEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Steel with Real Feel. I can’t tell if this is massively retarded, or ultra cool. wtf. –YouTube comment. I’m going to officially declare this movie hella enjoyable. It may not be the Oscar-muncher of the year, but it’s definitely the most fun. And is it coincidence or mild irony that Wolverine is the star of a movie called REAL STEEL? … Read More

THE HURT LOCKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Heroic Movie about a Non-Heroic War. Baghdad, 2004. THE HURT LOCKER opens with a quote from journalist Chris Hedges: “…war is a drug.” Apparently, a drug not only to its combatants, but on the populace fooled by its “glamour” and on directors who fuel that glamour. Kathryn Bigelow directs this one-note movie – supposedly a horrifying closeup of a bomb … Read More