RIO 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Flocking dork and deceitful bitch road trip. Jesse Eisenberg has two speeds: superdork nebbish and fast-taking schemer. In RIO 2, he’s phoning it in as the former. Eisenberg returns as rare macaw parrot Blu, who is now married to his parrot love interest from RIO, Jewel (voice of Anne Hathaway), so there is a noticeable lack of the romantic frisson … Read More

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RIO

Poffy The Cucumber

Rio de Generic. Named RIO, one would expect a flashy, exuberant, carnivale dance-a-vale rainbow spectacle. One would be wrong. Rather, an uninvolving tale of a rare blue macaw and his intended mate on the run from poachers, while his owner and her soon-to-be mate try to track them down. Cue seen-it-a-million-times face. Jesse Eisenberg voices Blu the parrot, abandoned at … Read More

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SWING VOTE

Poffy The Cucumber

Blockheading the vote. Plot of SWING VOTE is stupider than a session of the United States Congress: in a presidential election, citizen Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner) misses his last voting day, so his young daughter (Madeline Carroll) fraudulently casts what she believes to be his vote, but the electronic voting booth malfunctions, and due to the two candidates being in … Read More

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BALLS OF FURY

Poffy The Cucumber

Kung Fu Ping Pong Panda. BALLS OF FURY is not about ping pong. It’s about Being a Man. It’s about Honor. It’s about uplifting the Human Spirit with–ah, who am I kidding? It IS about ping pong. Starring Dan Fogler, George Lopez, Maggie Q, and the guy who does the second best Christopher Walken impersonation in the world – Christopher … Read More

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