Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More
GODZILLA: TOKYO S.O.S.
Sacrifice Our Rubber Souls. I cried for the moth. Then I cried for the human. Then I cried for the ROBOT! GODZILLA: TOKYO SOS is a heart-rending, dambusting actioner that turns our eyes into running rivers, as it revolves around one word: sacrifice! One year after GODZILLA AGAINST MECHAGODZILLA (2002), Godzilla is heading toward Tokyo again, as the military races … Read More
GODZILLA, MOTHRA AND KING GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL-OUT ATTACK
Godzilla’s Carnival of Souls. It’s what’s inside that counts. And inside Godzilla are the souls of thousands of wronged people, the Old Man telling us, “This animal contains the restless souls of countless people who perished during the battles of the Pacific conflict. It wants to attack us because the Japanese people want to forget the pain and agony they’ve … Read More
GODZILLA VS. SPACE GODZILLA
Godzilla’s own Clone War. Godzilla must battle his own Godzilla clone – from space! But honestly, Godzilla is just an afterthought in yet another movie that uses his name as marquee power to sell tickets. Hell, even his clone seems like an afterthought as he has no objective other than to build a fortress of crystals and stand in it … Read More
GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER
Existential-zilla. Haunting and bombastic, touching and savage, mind-bending and monstrous, GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER completes Toho Animation’s daring computer-animated trilogy reimagining Godzilla as destroyer, defiler and deity. As well as the rambunctious production design, evocative cartooning and chilling action sequences, PLANET EATER is a whirlwind of moral conundrums, ulterior agendas and existential magniloquence, as the twisted Cult of Ghidorah calls … Read More
GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE
Godzilla the McGuffin. Never in the history of Godzilla films (excepting the 1954 original) have humans had such an integral and compelling role in a Godzilla film, as they do in GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE. For the second time in Earth history, we’re watching a Godzilla film for the fates of the people! CITY picks up exactly … Read More
GODZILLA: MONSTER PLANET
Godzilla Vs. Hipster-saurus. Rejoice, Godzilla fans! There are no less than THREE Godzilla timelines currently roaring through Earth’s spacetime biosphere. There is the Legendary Pictures reboot timeline, starting with GODZILLA (2014), Toho Company’s chilling redesign reboot, SHIN GODZILLA (2016), and now Toho Company’s animated trilogy, kicked off with this stunning entry, GODZILLA: MONSTER PLANET (2017). MONSTER PLANET is a Godzilla … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA 1992
Guest-Starring Godzilla… Mothra battles the evil moth Battra, while Godzilla gets in the way. GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA might be construed as a rematch (after the 1964 movie of the same name), if only Godzilla knew why he was here and what he was doing, instead of wandering around like a senile old man at a retirement community. Seriously, it would … Read More
GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS 2019
A retconned Godzilla for a short attention span fandom. A Scientist is reanimating monsters (nay, “titans”) from subterranean hibernation around the globe, to bring balance to Earth’s environment through their radioactivity. (Get it? They’re being “woke” in more ways than one.) A titan named Ghidorah makes all the others do his bidding, causing them to destroy rather than renew. Too … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MEGAGUIRUS
Where science and stupidity collide. Japan is sick of Godzilla. They want him dead once and for all, creating a black hole to shoot at him. From space. Yes, the new Millennium Godzilla looks great, but the idiocy is still the same. In a cold open, we see supposed news footage from 1954, showing Godzilla raiding Tokyo over narration about … Read More
SHIN GODZILLA
Renaissance Zilla. Written like a bullet train, directed like a fighter pilot, SHIN GODZILLA is the most compelling Godzilla film since the original 1954 Ishiro Honda production, GOJIRA! Considering there have been 32 Godzilla films since that first dambuster (34 if you count the American remakes GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS and GODZILLA 1985), I realize what a killa zilla … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA
The Godzilla movie that doesn’t need Godzilla. In GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA, Godzilla’s name may be in the title, but he’s nothing but a bit player. The real star is King Caesar. When a mechanical-Godzilla starts destroying Japan, Godzilla gives it the ole college try to stop it, but is routed by Mechagodzilla’s lasers and sensual finger missiles. Enter the mythical … Read More
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS
Destroy All Credibility! DESTROY ALL MONSTERS was planned as the last Godzilla film from Toho Company, which is why, we presume, legendary GOJIRA director Ishiro Honda, Just Doesn’t Give A Fuck anymore. After aliens called Kilaaks gain control of the monsters on Monster Island (translated as “Monster Land” in the English dub), forcing them to destroy Earth cities, Japanese scientists … Read More
GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH
Tyrannozilla Godzasaurus. 2204 A.D. A two-man sub circles an undersea grave of a gigantic three-headed dragon named King Ghidorah. Computers reveal three necks but only two heads, the woman in the sub telling the man, “It originally had three, when it fought Godzilla in the 20th century.” CUT TO: 1992 A.D. Intriguing. But GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH gets stupid very … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA II
Mechasaurian Dinogodz and their place in history. Godzilla takes on another Mechagodzilla, while a Baby Godzilla hatches from a Rodan egg. Rodan transfers his energy to Godzilla via a dry hump, and filmmakers try to squeeze it past us that these creatures are all related to dinosaurs. Yes, GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA II, the 20th Godzilla film and 5th serious Heisei … Read More
GODZILLA 1985
Zilla versus Tokyo in a battle to the Burr. GODZILLA 1985 (released Aug 1985) is the American edit of the Japanese film THE RETURN OF GODZILLA (released in December 1984). First title card: Starring Raymond Burr. (Sigh… God, I hate American re-edits!) GODZILLA 1985 actually stars Ken Tanaka in the lead role, as the action man who bests Godzilla and … Read More
GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE
Whole Lotta Rosie. Godzilla versus a giant mutating rose! And all gardening breaks loose!… GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE opens directly after events of the last film (THE RETURN OF GODZILLA, 1984, the first of the Heisei series), with Godzilla falling into a volcano and getting trapped. As with all the Heisei series, emphasis is on the pitfalls of genetics rather than … Read More
GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH
Crush-o, Kill-o, Dest-o-royah! Godzilla’s having a nuclear meltdown! GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH is the last of the Heisei series (that started with THE RETURN OF GODZILLA, 1984), and finds Godzilla battling a monster spawned from the weapon that killed the original Godzilla in 1954 – the Oxygen Destroyer! [dun dun daaah!] Subtitled “The Death Of Godzilla” (which should give you some … Read More
GODZILLA
Tampering in Godz domain… Giant monster terrorizes Tokyo. From the depths of hell it came, roaring, spitting fire, destroying civilization; black of heart and devoid of empathy. And it probably had a really small brain too. It was called – The United States of America… People think they know Godzilla. Even you think you know Godzilla. No, you don’t. That … Read More
TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA
The Tyranny of Evil Men… Mechagodzilla is re-forged by aliens, and Titanosaurus is mind-ruled by scientists, sent to kill Godzilla, who is ass-raped by moviemakers. Opening montage: oh shit! – the American version – we can tell immediately: an American narrator pisses his pants trying to sound cogent during a Boolshit Maximus montage that he is clearly making up as … Read More
- Page 1 of 2
- 1
- 2