SAW V

Poffy The Cucumber

Cinco de Pain-o. SAW V opens with its now-characteristic gore-porn, that gives the victim a torturous choice, in this case, be sliced in half by a swinging pendulum, Edgar Allen Poe style, or stop the swing by crushing your hands to dust in vices. The victim opts to mangle his hands, as penance for his past sins – but the … Read More

IMMORTALS

Poffy The Cucumber

None More Shirtless. Visual gluttony! No matter what you may think about IMMORTALS as a grandiose movie, a confused mythological tale, or an action fantasy diversion — goddam, it looks good! Call the filmstock developers! Someone spilled sepia tone and iron filings all over our print! And tell those guys to put some shirts on! IMMORTALS follows ancient Greek mythological … Read More

DOLAN’S CADILLAC

Poffy The Cucumber

The mind of Stephen King is a terrible thing to waste. The director of DOLAN’S CADILLAC, Jeff Beesley, was told by his agent, “If you can’t knock this movie outta the park, you might as well forget it – go back to pumping gas.” Uh, Jeff, I got some bad news…. From a Stephen King short story of the same … Read More

SHOOT ‘EM UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Love it. Hate it. You won’t fall asleep. I mean, really! How sensible do you think a movie called SHOOT ‘EM UP could possibly be? Just sit back and enjoy Clive Owen in his natural habitat (factory streets grimier than Guy Ritchie could possibly imagine), in his usual plumage (Hard Guy Long Overcoat, perpetual five o’clock shadow), plying his chosen … Read More