MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT

Poffy The Cucumber

People Shooting Other People from Offscreen. (ALTERNATE TITLE: Adventures Of The World’s Most Expensive Stuntman.) Tom Cruise skydives. Tom Cruise fights in a toilet. Tom Cruise rides a motorbike through Paris. Tom Cruise jumps across rooftops. Tom Cruise climbs a rope to a flying helicopter. Tom Cruise flies a helicopter while fighting. Tom Cruise dangles from a cliff… Y’know, I … Read More

JUSTICE LEAGUE

Poffy The Cucumber

The League of Extraordinary Superpeeps. Nobody should come to the movies unless he believes in heroes. — John Wayne. An interstellar villain tries to destroy Earth, but is vanquished with punching and computer jargon, by a fresh clique of supers called the JUSTICE LEAGUE. Batman (grizzled Ben Affleck) recruits The Aquaman (warrior Jason Momoa), and Barry Allen not-yet-called The Flash … Read More

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

Poffy The Cucumber

Dawn of the Golden Age of Superhero Movies. …if Jesus was alive today and walked on water, it would be instantly on YouTube… And the first Comment would be: “Fag.” — Bill Maher. There is a scene in BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE where Batman turns a corner in his Batmobile and runs headlong into Superman blocking him in … Read More

MAN OF STEEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Kneel Before Steel. Darkness, moral ambiguity, self-doubt, wearing underpants inside the trousers: these are things not commonly associated with Superman. But in MAN OF STEEL, the newest Superman vehicle, this heretical new direction is what we get – like it or not. But Poffy likey. The bedrock of Superman canon has been preserved (Krypton exploding, Kal-El sent to Earth, super … Read More

IMMORTALS

Poffy The Cucumber

None More Shirtless. Visual gluttony! No matter what you may think about IMMORTALS as a grandiose movie, a confused mythological tale, or an action fantasy diversion — goddam, it looks good! Call the filmstock developers! Someone spilled sepia tone and iron filings all over our print! And tell those guys to put some shirts on! IMMORTALS follows ancient Greek mythological … Read More

WHATEVER WORKS

Poffy The Cucumber

Whatever WHATEVER is, it works. Not exactly romantic comedy, not exactly drama, not exactly normal. After dabbling in Euro filmmaking that exposed another wondrous dimension of his filmmaking talents, Woody Allen is back in his native New York with a curmudgeon vengeance in WHATEVER WORKS. I’ve always thought of Larry David as a crunchier Woody Allen. As the star of … Read More