HELEN OF TROY

Poffy The Cucumber

Jane of Troy. Well, we’ve got to give it points for excess epicness. It can’t be easy to scare up a cast of thousands and get them all to walk in one direction at the same time. We’re talking planning maximus. Unfortunately, HELEN OF TROY comes off as all planning, no maximus. Sexyboy Paris of Troy (Jack Sernas) steals away … Read More

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TROY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Achilliad. All bronzed bicep, leonine mane and CG soldiery, TROY is a glut-fest of regal posturing and battle-flavored man-stench. Coax golden-skinned, Bally-gymed Brad Pitt into a taut-buttocked mini-skirt for your movie, and Homer’s Iliad be damned. Compressing the backstory of the ten-year siege of Troy into one week, all deities, dogma and details are eschewed for ant-battles between computer … Read More

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