WRONG TURN

Poffy The Cucumber

Something’s Right About Wrong Turn. As I walked onstage at The Whiskey one night and the previous band’s singer was walking off, I jokingly said to him, “You look exactly like Jeremy Sisto!” His laughing reply, “I am!” He is as nice a guy as his roles portray him, so I stopped channel-surfing at WRONG TURN one night just to … Read More

THE CREEPING TERROR

Poffy The Cucumber

Don’t Fear The Creeper. Worse than Ed Wood’s PLAN 9, worse than Hal Warren’s MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE, even worse than Michael Bay’s PEARL HARBOR. Not having been born when this movie was first released, I can only assume that it died the burbling, cinematic death it wholly deserved, released alongside the likes of DR. STRANGELOVE, GOLDFINGER and even … Read More

HOUSE OF THE DEAD

Poffy The Cucumber

Laid up and drugged out, as a kidney stone wended its merry way through my scarred urinary tract, with ab-so-lute-ly nothing better to do than let the painkillers swoon me into semi-oblivion, I happened to catch this movie on cable. I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I paid to view it in a cinema, or rented it, or – … Read More

WEREWOLF

Poffy The Cucumber

Of Werewolves and Were-Euros. Not five minutes into WEREWOLF, we realize we’ve been duped into watching an interminable Mentos commercial – Euros playing Americans playing archaeologists. We meet these brawling “scientists” (don’t all scientists brawl at their excavation sites?) somewhere in Arizona, Europe, as they unearth a human skeleton with a wolf’s skull. Joe Estevez, in a role you will … Read More

IDENTITY

Poffy The Cucumber

Identity Cleft. More than a murder mystery. More than a psychological thriller. More than a horror movie. IDENTITY is its own special slice of crazy. With most viewers being either misled by this movie’s similarities to Agatha Christie’s TEN LITTLE INDIANS, or just pompously broadcasting their knowledge IDENTITY was inspired by it, they missed the point this was not a “murder mystery” per … Read More