FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

Poffy The Cucumber

From Russia With Leering. James Bond 007 returns in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, the first sequel to the first ever James Bond movie, DR. NO. And it is… uh… I don’t know how to break it to you Bond fans, but try to sit through this movie in 2016 and let me know how many times you flinch from the … Read More

SPECTRE

Poffy The Cucumber

Same old Bond! What did you ex-spectre? James Bond 007 discovers the looming nemesis dogging his every move since he was in spy-nappies; the criminal organization for expensive suits and limited edition sportscars – SPECTRE! Daniel Craig, in his fourth outing as James Bond, looks old and makes me tired. French flamehair Léa Seydoux is Madeleine Swann, resident Bond Girl … Read More

DR. NO

Poffy The Cucumber

Vote No on NO. DR. NO takes a long time to get going. And by ‘get going’ I mean Ursula Andress in her granny-panty bikini. Back when chicks were called dames and phones were giant blocks of plastic that couldn’t play Angry Birds, the world’s greatest super spy was birthed, from the novel by Ian Fleming, titled Dr. No – … Read More

SKYFALL

Poffy The Cucumber

Bond-fall. James Bond returns in SKYFALL – and is immediately killed… Trending in movies: heroes do not just fall – everything they know is compromised; everything that makes them a hero is called into question. They fall from the greatest height possible (is this the play on words in sky fall?), to make their rise all the more sexy (as … Read More

CASINO ROYALE 2006

Poffy The Cucumber

Old Spy, New World, Tight Arse. It will always be a problem introducing the world to a new Bond. When Sean Connery was hired, it was a disaster because it wasn’t David Niven. – Barbara Broccoli. International espionage will never be the same. It is now certifiably MAN-HOT. Craig. Daniel Craig. Last seen in London baking a LAYER CAKE (2004) … Read More