THE 33

Poffy The Cucumber

Deep, dark and whitewashed. 33 men trapped in a mine, arguing over food, water, and who gets to negotiate the book deal. THE 33, a dramatization of the Chilean mine disaster of 2010, is a dichotomy of empathy and outrage. The pendulum swings hard both ways; firstly at the outrage of a mining corporation that would think so little of … Read More

SISTERS 2015

Poffy The Cucumber

The BACHELOR PARTY of ladydom. Two adult SISTERS, Kate (Tina Fey) and Maura (Amy Poehler), throw one last party in their childhood home before their parents sell it. One sister needs to prove she is responsible. One needs to get laid. The party gets out of hand soon enough. WAY out of hand. Which make the party scenes reminiscent of … Read More

VON RYAN’S EXPRESS

Poffy The Cucumber

Training Brahs. In WWII, prisoner of war Frank Sinatra enters an Italian prison camp and starts doing things His Way. VON RYAN’S EXPRESS is an audacious prison escape movie, an original trinket amongst the morass of World War II movies culled from supposedly “true events.” British and American prisoners of war hijack their own prison train and outrace Germans to … Read More

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD

Poffy The Cucumber

Abused Cars. I have hair on my balls. And I sell cars. The end. — Don “The Goods” Ready. Slick, smarmy and sweaty-balled, THE GOODS is the bastard child of USED CARS and GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS. Don “The Goods” Ready (Jeremy Piven) is a freelance super-salesman (his business card simply says, “Don Ready. I move cars, Motherfucker”) who is called … Read More

CAPRICORN ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Idiotic fodder for Moon Landing conspiracy theorist idiots. As a child in Australia, I remember seeing posters for CAPRICORN ONE: the visage of the lone, space-suited astronaut, movie title scrawled across his glare-shield. Something foreboding and sobering about that poster had me believing (as I attained full cucumberhood) that the film was one of the all-time greats, placed alongside A … Read More