ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY

Poffy The Cucumber

Star Wars 3.5: Martyrs’ Crossing. It’s always the rogue that excites us… ROGUE ONE: A STARS WARS STORY is the bad boy of the STAR WARS universe. He turns up in his black charger with the heavy metal blaring and he makes our panties moist. Easily boasting the best production values of all the eight STAR WARS films to date, … Read More

CONAN THE BARBARIAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Save a Barbaric Yawp for me. CONAN THE BARBARIAN opens with a Nietzsche title card: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Oh, so it’s a focus on the philosophical struggle of mankind. Well, actually it’s more a focus on the “kill” and “stronger” bits. For an action-adventure fantasy epic, CONAN THE BARBARIAN sure is painfully slow, padded … Read More

STAR WARS: EPISODE VI – RETURN OF THE JEDI

Poffy The Cucumber

The Jedi Mind(less) Trick. Another day. Another Death Star. In the last of the STAR WARS hexology, the Galactic Empire has returned with another planet-sized space station to terrorize the galaxy. And the Rebel Alliance has returned to break it. The Jedi Knights have returned as well, with Luke Skywalker continuing the legacy of the humorless old farts by dressing … Read More

STAR WARS: EPISODE V – THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Empirical Satirical. Why is THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, the first of the STAR WARS sequels/prequels, the best of the STAR WARS franchise? Why did it cause such a disturbance in our pants? I considered long and hard and watched it again to assure myself that it was not just our collective imagination. It’s not. Collective imagination, that is. And it … Read More

STAR WARS: EPISODE IV – A NEW HOPE

Poffy The Cucumber

A Legend Begins… from the middle… Even if you don’t read comics, you know Superman; even if you don’t rock and roll all night, you know KISS; even if you’re an atheist, you know Jesus; even if you’ve never watched STAR WARS, you know Darth Vader. These elements of pop culture have so imbibed themselves into the vocabulary of our … Read More