Like taking a shot in the mouth and not having anywhere to spit. It’s about a woman craving a baby. And 90% of the men have left the room… Let’s try for the other 10%: It’s about Just Friends, with Her asking Him to help her find some semen. Are there any men left watching this at all? THE SWITCH … Read More
IDENTITY THIEF
Almost as bad as being defrauded. Hello, I am Nigerian Prince and I would like to inform you of the necessity to send me your account details, so that I may warn that IDENTITY THIEF will steal two hours of your wretched life. Please to send your bank account just now for processing this timely request. Jason Bateman and Melissa … Read More
HORRIBLE BOSSES
Hitchcock… Hitch-Not. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Two out of three HORRIBLE BOSSES, that is. There’s Kevin Spacey as Boss #1, reprising his role from SWIMMING WITH SHARKS as pure A-Hole; there’s Colin Farrell as Boss #2, creating an eccentric new role for himself as a balding, paunched lunatic. And there’s Jennifer Aniston as Boss #3, supposedly a … Read More
THE CHANGE-UP
Another change-up, another plage-up. How many times have we seen this movie? THE CHANGE-UP is the latest mystical body-switching movie from the venal plagiarists in the Hollywood Cookie Cutter Industrial Complex who have the audacity to call themselves writers. At least it’s funny. Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) and Dave (Jason Bateman) are best friends but lead diametrically opposite lifestyles – Mitch … Read More
PAUL
Kind Encounters of the Close Third. It’s a buddy comedy of the crude kind, a road movie of the chase kind, a close encounter of the third kind! Hey, isn’t that Roger from AMERICAN DAD? Or do all aliens just look alike to me?… Two Brits on a pilgrimage to famed UFO sites in Nevada pick up a real extraterrestrial … Read More
EXTRACT
Factory Space. Mike Judge (OFFICE SPACE, 1999) writes and directs this amusing little tale of Joel (Jason Bateman), owner of an extract factory, who is so dissatisfied with his non-existent wife-sex, he conspires to force her into an affair so that he himself can have a guilt-free affair with one of his hot new interns. To his chagrin, his plan … Read More
UP IN THE AIR
Loner Class. UP IN THE AIR is that rare chick-centric movie that doesn’t make me want to vomit or slap someone. It is a story about love, but it’s not a Love Story; it’s a movie about romance, but it’s not a Romantic Movie; it takes us on a bucking and diving flight across the landscape of human emotions and … Read More
COUPLES RETREAT
Club Med(iocre). “Holy shit – this looks like a screensaver!” That’s the funniest laugh-out-loud line in COUPLES RETREAT, delivered by Jon Favreau when the cast arrive at their paradise resort – but it also describes the energy level of this dull excursion into the high maintenance of couplehood. Three couples (Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau and SEX AND … Read More
JUNO
Verging on Virgin-on-Virgin. I know that JUNO was a big hit with the pedophiles and sweaty-mouthed goons trying to catch a glimpse of sugartit, but I just have to get this off my flat green chest: Sorry Jason Reitman (director) and Diablo Cody (writer), but this movie doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Are you trying to purvey the underage pregnant … Read More
STATE OF PLAY
ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN meets Blackwater. Politics, conspiracy, murder – is the STATE OF PLAY. And Rachel McAdams looking tastier than Christmas dinner. A murdered congressional aide is linked to Republican Congressman, Stephen Collins (Ben Affleck, playing it straighter than Tom Cruise’s public persona) in a sex scandal that leads to questions regarding his links to a no-bid, war-profiteering contractor, … Read More
THE KINGDOM
My Kingdom for a (war)horse… If LIONS FOR LAMBS was the cerebral, intelligent take on the Iraq War, THE KINGDOM is the action-packed, piss-your-pants rejoinder – both written by Matthew Michael Carnahan (who should probably be investigated by the CIA for all the inside information he brings to these military stories). Peter Berg starred in LIONS as a strong, sure … Read More
HANCOCK
Upping the Ante on Anti-Heroes. Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!… It’s a drunk. Mr. Fourth-of-July-Blockbuster (Will Smith) is HANCOCK (named after the epithet for signatures), endowed with all the powers of SUPERMAN, sans the gay … Read More
SMOKIN’ ACES
It’s a mad mad mad mad assassination. The logic precept Occam’s Razor tells us that “Plurality should not be posited without necessity.” In other words, “Simpler is better.” But SMOKIN’ ACES fell asleep during physics class and won’t go near any logic precepts. A walloping actioner with way too much exposition, there is more unnecessary dialogue here than in the … Read More
DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY
DODGEBALL grabs its nuts by the balls. Ben Stiller‘s best roles have been the few that have almost burst his carotid artery through certifiably asinine overacting. (To date, that would only count MYSTERY MEN, ZOOLANDER, and cameos in ANCHORMAN and THE CABLE GUY – add DODGEBALL to that short list.) His early 90s comedy series, THE BEN STILLER SHOW, though … Read More