THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE

Poffy The Cucumber

Starving for ideas: Catching Cold. In THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE, the two models who survived the Hunger Games last year are forced by the Capitol to go on a Tour through the 12 Districts to rub it in everyone’s faces. And our faces too. Then they just repeat the last movie. And rub that in our faces too. In … Read More

THE INVASION 2007

Poffy The Cucumber

Tight Skirt, Alien Cell, Big Bra. Kudos to Nicole Kidman’s plastic surgeon! What a job on her already perfect head! We are more than happy to pile derision on the stars and surgeons who botch their head jobs, but no one commends those stars and surgeons who produce dynamite results. In THE INVASION, yet another remake of INVASION OF THE … Read More

THE IDES OF MARCH

Poffy The Cucumber

Et Tu, Gosling? Campaigns turn our politicians into lunatics. — Tina Brown, “The Daily Beast.” THE IDES OF MARCH opens with campaign manager Steve Meyers (Ryan Gosling) at a podium, spotlit, declaring, “I’m not a Christian, I’m not an atheist. What I believe in is the Constitution of the United States of America.” He is reciting from prepared notes for … Read More

SOURCE CODE

Poffy The Cucumber

Riding the Lightning Across the (Parallel) Universe. DONNIE DARKO brings his penchant for skipping across parallel universes to the twisted love-child of INCEPTION and GROUNDHOG DAY. Director Duncan Jones (Bowie’s progeny and the wunderkind behind MOON, his film debut) proves that the disturbing resonance and edge-of-seat storytelling finesse he brought to that old-fashioned new tale was not a fluke. SOURCE … Read More

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

Poffy The Cucumber

Quorum of Stinkus. Stunt, stunt, stunt, crash. Stunt, stunt, stunt, crash. Explosion. QUANTUM OF SOLACE, directed by Marc Foster like a speed freak, and edited by Matt Chesse and Richard Pearson like a chicken fight in a monkey house, makes THE BOURNE IDENTITY look like MY DINNER WITH ANDRE. As I watched the opening car chase grind metal, and the … Read More

W.

Poffy The Cucumber

Putting the W in WMD. First came RAIN MAN. Then FORREST GUMP. Now, in a long line of congenital idiots, comes W. But wait, Bushies! Do not dismiss this movie as leftie revisionist conspiracy. Director Oliver Stone’s W. is a fair and balanced representation of America’s 43rd president, George Walker Bush. Insert joke: “which means it shows him as the … Read More

CASINO ROYALE 2006

Poffy The Cucumber

Old Spy, New World, Tight Arse. It will always be a problem introducing the world to a new Bond. When Sean Connery was hired, it was a disaster because it wasn’t David Niven. – Barbara Broccoli. International espionage will never be the same. It is now certifiably MAN-HOT. Craig. Daniel Craig. Last seen in London baking a LAYER CAKE (2004) … Read More

LADY IN THE WATER

Poffy The Cucumber

Part real. Part fable. All Night. In his book, On Directing Film, David Mamet says of movies, “it’s all make-believe. The question is, how good is the make-believe going to be?” M. Night Shyamalan‘s LADY IN THE WATER is truly what it sells itself as – a bedtime story; make-believe of the highest order, taken with a generous pinch of … Read More

SYRIANA

Poffy The Cucumber

Oil Is Not Well. If “oily Arab” was once an insult referring to a Middle Easterner’s complexion, nowadays it should truly be considered the highest compliment, pertaining to certain Arabs (via birthright and political wolfing), controlling the fortunes of the planet Earth via oil. If there is an overarching message to this movie’s madness, it is that everyone else on … Read More