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Poffy The Cucumber

When the aliens do the deporting… A misfit extraterrestrial alien teams with a human youth to repel a hostile alien race from Earth — OR — Confused screenwriters Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember write a parable about aliens and humans working together to repel an alien invasion – even though the alien working with the human has just invaded … Read More

PARKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Easy revenge, hard injuries. He’s Jason Statham. He beats people up. As usual. But in PARKER, what isn’t so usual is that Statham, in the title role, actually gets hurt while beating people up. Like “real life” hurt. Hurt bad. That’s the best element in this stock actioner where Mr. Statham (THE MECHANIC 2011) and director Taylor Hackford (RAY) take … Read More

GIGLI

Poffy The Cucumber

To tear or wear off the skin of; abrade; to condemn, decry, objurgate… GIGLI is an insult to gangsters, Italians, homosexuals, Al Pacino, lesbians, actors, retards, and even David Hasselhoff. First mistake: the movie’s name, and then having Gigli himself explain its pronunciation, like it was a running gag that was funny. Second mistake: Ben Affleck as Gigli, trying to … Read More

MONSTER-IN-LAW

Poffy The Cucumber

Dogwalker Meets Bitch. This movie was just as asinine when it was called MAID IN MANHATTAN. All Hollywood romantic comedies which aim their two heterosexual principals at marriage – will attain that goal. This is a scientific fact. Also a fact is that once the brain-fuzzed couple has affirmed their intentions to marry, all manner of obstacle – from plausible … Read More