GROSSE POINTE BLANK

Poffy The Cucumber

Whackjob Whack Job. It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, “Let me out!” — Queen/David Bowie, “Under Pressure.” Even hitmen have high school reunions. Even hitmen have psychiatrists. One could suppose GROSSE POINTE BLANK was a precursor/inspiration for THE SOPRANOS – and one could be whacked for it. When we attend our … Read More

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD

Poffy The Cucumber

Abused Cars. I have hair on my balls. And I sell cars. The end. — Don “The Goods” Ready. Slick, smarmy and sweaty-balled, THE GOODS is the bastard child of USED CARS and GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS. Don “The Goods” Ready (Jeremy Piven) is a freelance super-salesman (his business card simply says, “Don Ready. I move cars, Motherfucker”) who is called … Read More

ROCK N ROLLA

Poffy The Cucumber

High Voltage Rock n Roll. Another twisty, spanky, kablooey tale from the dirty messiah madman who gave us LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS (1998), Guy Ritchie, about expensive hoods, cheap hoods, indestructible hoods, Russian hoods, and a McGuffin painting that we never see that everyone wants. As with Ritchie’s other slambanging movies, describing the plot is a futile exercise, … Read More

THE KINGDOM

Poffy The Cucumber

My Kingdom for a (war)horse… If LIONS FOR LAMBS was the cerebral, intelligent take on the Iraq War, THE KINGDOM is the action-packed, piss-your-pants rejoinder – both written by Matthew Michael Carnahan (who should probably be investigated by the CIA for all the inside information he brings to these military stories). Peter Berg starred in LIONS as a strong, sure … Read More

SMOKIN’ ACES

Poffy The Cucumber

It’s a mad mad mad mad assassination. The logic precept Occam’s Razor tells us that “Plurality should not be posited without necessity.” In other words, “Simpler is better.” But SMOKIN’ ACES fell asleep during physics class and won’t go near any logic precepts. A walloping actioner with way too much exposition, there is more unnecessary dialogue here than in the … Read More