STEALTH

Poffy The Cucumber

Top Dumb. Uninvolving tale of a hi-tech artificial intelligence warplane that threatens to make human pilots redundant. STEALTH stars Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx as the three top gun pilots the robot plane may potentially replace. Ironically, in this movie, they all act like robots. Part of a secret military project (is there any other kind?), overseen by … Read More

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THE A-TEAM

Poffy The Cucumber

There’s no ‘A’ in TEAM. I wrote in ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN, “There’s nothing deep here; crack a beer, strip down to your wife-beater and just enjoy it.” Ditto THE A-TEAM. More like the C+ team. The only ‘A’ in this movie is for Audacity. Or Ass – Jessica Biel’s. From the 80’s TV series of the same name, … Read More

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PLANET 51

Poffy The Cucumber

He who sips from many cups, drinks from none. The imitative art is an inferior who marries an inferior and has inferior offspring. — Plato, The Republic, Book X. Wow! A movie with NO original ideas! PLANET 51 is a glop of as many nudge-nudge wink-wink cultural references as cartoonly possible in an uninvolving 91-minute chase movie. Set on an … Read More

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NEXT

Poffy The Cucumber

Next To Nothing. “Here’s the thing about the future,” Nic Cage tells us at the beginning of NEXT, “every time you look at it, it changes – because you looked at it. And that changes everything else.” Oh, so it’s Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. Only dumber. Cage is Cris Johnson, a Las Vegas mentalist who can see two minutes into his … Read More

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I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY

Poffy The Cucumber

Totally not gay. Chuck (Adam Sandler) and Larry (Kevin James) are two straight firemen who pretend to be gay married partners for the sake of insurance benefits for Larry’s kids, that would otherwise be lost due to Larry being a widower. Roundabout way of arriving at a stupid premise, brought about by a law so stupid, you just want to … Read More

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THE ILLUSIONIST

Poffy The Cucumber

The Distractionist. In a movie about misdirection, the opulent production design, set decoration and sumptuous cinematography of THE ILLUSIONIST serves to misdirect the audience into believing that there is something more profound at stake than the Getting of Panty.I can pinpoint exactly where THE ILLUSIONIST loses its footing: during afterglow, Eisenheim the Illusionist tells Duchess Sophie, “The only mystery I … Read More

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