GROSSE POINTE BLANK

Poffy The Cucumber

Whackjob Whack Job. It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, “Let me out!” — Queen/David Bowie, “Under Pressure.” Even hitmen have high school reunions. Even hitmen have psychiatrists. One could suppose GROSSE POINTE BLANK was a precursor/inspiration for THE SOPRANOS – and one could be whacked for it. When we attend our … Read More

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE

Poffy The Cucumber

Dive in, the water’s awesome. You might consider me ready to join my mandrill brothers on the deep side of crazy for recommending a movie with a title so obviously geared towards acutely-angled foreheads. But you would be wronger than a deep fryer bank machine. HOT TUB TIME MACHINE is the stupidest movie you will see all year. And the … Read More

2012

Poffy The Cucumber

And he’ll have fun fun fun ’til his daddy takes the CG away… As disaster movies go, 2012 is definitely the big one. I mean, how do you outrun the world? An inordinately large neutrino burst from the sun causes the Earth to break, and creates much employment for special effects companies. Also, the planets in our solar system have … Read More

WAR, INC.

Poffy The Cucumber

Orwell’s 1984 meets W.’s 2004. War is the improvement of investment climates by other means. — Ben Kingsley, WAR, INC. WAR, INC. is political satire almost blacker than George W. Bush’s rectum heart, but wildly funnier than his misshapen weasel head. The opening text hits too close to the bone: “In the 21st Century, great corporations will bestride the Earth … Read More

CON AIR

Poffy The Cucumber

Just Another Con. Nice mullet, Nic! His pooch hairdo effectively takes attention away from his massively-developed arms and Kirk-body-oiled man-chest. A prisoner plane, the CON AIR of the title, transporting the biggest bunch of cliched criminals this side of Blockbuster Screenwriting 101, is overrun by said archetypes, led by an exceptionally-maladjusted Malkovich. Elvis comes to the rescue in the form … Read More

1408

Poffy The Cucumber

GROUNDHOG DAY with supernatural teeth. Remember IDENTITY? It’s John Cusack trapped in a hotel again! And just like IDENTITY… It was a dark and stormy night. A car misses a turnoff, the driver reverses to see the hotel sign; turning down the side-street, he soon parks, runs across a picturesque bridge to a rustic hotel, sheltering himself from the tempest. … Read More

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH

Poffy The Cucumber

The Importance of Being Malkovich. It’s about a puppeteer who finds a portal into the head of a real-life actor… No, it’s about an over-sexed, 105-year-old pirate who runs a company on the 7 ½ floor of a building who has found a way to live forever… No, it’s about a woman who realizes she is transsexual after having sex … Read More

IDENTITY

Poffy The Cucumber

Identity Cleft. More than a murder mystery. More than a psychological thriller. More than a horror movie. IDENTITY is its own special slice of crazy. With most viewers being either misled by this movie’s similarities to Agatha Christie’s TEN LITTLE INDIANS, or just pompously broadcasting their knowledge IDENTITY was inspired by it, they missed the point this was not a “murder mystery” per … Read More