KONG: SKULL ISLAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Ape-ocalypse Now… Reboot. Gorilla style. In a cold open, two pilots – an American and Japanese – crash-land on a deserted Pacific island. It is 1944. They try to kill each other, in a foot chase that leads to a mountain ledge. As they grapple, something… YUGE… rises from below. A gorilla! No, not just a gorilla – a GORIL-LIL-LIL-LIL-LA! … Read More

THE HANGOVER PART 3

Poffy The Cucumber

Waking from Itself. THE HANGOVER PART III wipes the slate clean. A brand new comedy with the same beloved characters; focus shifted, personalities disordered, breasts augmented. Sexpot, Dork and Clueless on another wild ride, with Evil Sprite in tow. Except this time, the evil sprite, Mr. Chow, is inadvertently the leading man! And the least likely of the “Wolf Pack” … Read More

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

Poffy The Cucumber

Extinction is just a Michael Bay away. And we thought the last three TRANSFORMERS movies were stupid. Stupidity, meet TRANFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION. Ironically, this movie has helped the franchise achieve its own extinction. While a rogue Decepticon works with the American military to wipe out the last of the Autobots, an inventor reactivates a hibernating Optimus Prime – and … Read More

SNL 40

Poffy The Cucumber

Celebrating 40 Years of Stunning Mediocrity. The American comedy institution SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE continues its tradition of not being funny, by throwing a 40th Anniversary Special and not being funny. SNL 40 is not only Not Funny, it’s embarrassing, pathetic and painful. Why do these people put themselves through this? Why do they put US through this? Why do audiences … Read More

TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE

Poffy The Cucumber

Trouble With The Script. Hold up a mirror to Brad Pitt’s MONEYBALL, you get Clint Eastwood’s TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE. MONEYBALL (2011) told us the best way to draft major league baseball players is to study their stats on a computer and not rely on the disdainful opinions of crotchety old men. TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE tells us that despite … Read More

ARGO

Poffy The Cucumber

The Year of Living Hollywoodly. When your facial hair says yes and your fashion sense says no – that’s ARGO. Ben Affleck does battle with his beard for top billing as CIA “exfiltration” expert Tony Mendez, trying to extract six American fugitives from Iran during a political insurgency. (When is there NOT a political insurgency in Iran? Can someone call … Read More

THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Poffy The Cucumber

The Book of Duderonemy. All The Dude ever wanted was his rug back. –The Dude, THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Thus it begins. Two low-rent thugs mistakenly terrorize shiftless stoner Jeff Lebowski (aka The Dude) instead of the rich mark they were meant to threaten, also named Lebowski. They pee on The Dude’s rug for good measure, precipitating the rug’s demise. That … Read More

YOU DON’T KNOW JACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Terminator Salvation. Today is a good day to die. — attributed to Crazy Horse at the Battle of Little Bighorn Every day above ground is just another day above ground. — Poffy The Cucumber Idiot Sarah Palin might be inclined to call him a “Death Panel.” Doctor Jack Kevorkian. If you know the name, you know the game: euthanasia, assisted suicide, … Read More

DEATH SENTENCE

Poffy The Cucumber

Sizzling Bacon. The actual sequel to Charles Bronson’s 1974 DEATH WISH, the movie DEATH SENTENCE (written by same author, Brian Garfield, in 1975) delivers a solid thematic punch, pounding us with the message that if enacted decisively and quickly, vigilante revenge can be fruitful and satisfying, but dilutes its own message with its sappy denouement. (So many movies chicken out … Read More