PARKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Easy revenge, hard injuries. He’s Jason Statham. He beats people up. As usual. But in PARKER, what isn’t so usual is that Statham, in the title role, actually gets hurt while beating people up. Like “real life” hurt. Hurt bad. That’s the best element in this stock actioner where Mr. Statham (THE MECHANIC 2011) and director Taylor Hackford (RAY) take … Read More

BLACK SWAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Swan Quake. My God, but ballet is boring! Thank God for Natalie Portman masturbating! Neurotic ballerina Nina (Portman) jockeys for the coveted Swan Queen role in a production of Swan Lake… Let’s not pretend elitism – all the roles look the same to me: girls on their tippy-toes and guys in penis-hugging tights. The obsessive director (Vincent Cassel) tells the … Read More