AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Poffy The Cucumber

Deus ex Marvela. The Elevator Pitch: “Think: BACK TO THE FUTURE meets STAR TREK IV – the Avengers travel back in time, to retrieve these McGuffins in the past that will fix things in the present.” And producer Kevin Feige asked, “Can it be wacky, like in BACK TO THE FUTURE where they’re sneaking around their past selves and suddenly … Read More

ANT-MAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Who woulda thought OUR IDIOT BROTHER would become a superhero? Paul Rudd is the eminently likable yet totally miscast lead in Marvel’s ANT-MAN, a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero. Master electrician and not-so-master burglar Scott Lang (Rudd) is recruited by reputable scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) to … Read More

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

Poffy The Cucumber

Captain America: Bromance War. Captain America versus Iron Man in a battle to the bromosexual. When The Avengers try to stop a terrorist from killing civilians, and end up killing civilians themselves, the United Nations steps in and calls a halt to their devastating pearbottoms. General Ross (William Hurt, playing a character from Hulk lore, in this movie where the … Read More

SPOTLIGHT

Poffy The Cucumber

Pederast Priests and The Coverup That Rocked a Religion. What other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? — Bill Maher, REEL TIME, March 2013. If only the movie SPOTLIGHT was called BUSTING RAPIST PRIESTS, maybe it would be better served by its title. … Read More

TED 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Teddy Fuxspin. That dirt-talkin’ beer-drinkin’ pot-smokin’ bad boy bear is back in TED 2 – badder, bolder, drunker and… seriouser? Seth MacFarlane makes the sequel to his R-rated TED (2012) even more R-rated. My biggest fear with this followup to the highest-grossing R-rated comedy ever was that the studio would castrate raconteur MacFarlane; that someone would wear him down with … Read More

THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU

Poffy The Cucumber

The Unbearable Rightness of Being. They make sure the world is running to The Plan. They’re THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU and they’re watching Matt Damon’s every move. And adjusting it. All while wearing bad hats. Damon is Congressman David Norris, on a campaign engine steaming to the White House. Then he meets a girl. From Helen of Troy to the chick … Read More

IRON MAN 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Jumping the Stark. The first IRON MAN movie was a planet-crusher. IRON MAN 2, well, maybe it could crush a small moon or something. It’s still a full-fledged, fun-filled ferrous romp, but, like all superhero sequels, suffers from cramming us with characters and classic storylines in its desperate need to impress. My hole feels stretched. Not in that good way … Read More

FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Raising Glory: the sham behind the glam. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend. – Reporter, THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE (1962). Director Clint Eastwood‘s waving-flag film is, ironically and thankfully, the farthest from a Flag Waving maroon-necker as a post 9-11 American movie can be. When I learned of this film’s production last year, I admit to … Read More