LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-07: MY FRIEND, MR NOBODY

Poffy The Cucumber

Angela Cartwright: Star Lite. Penny gets her moment in the sun… or at least, on a planet orbiting a different sun, as she is the focus of this drug-induced episode, where she befriends a disembodied voice in a cave, only to have that voice attack her family via an earthquake through a misunderstanding, and for it to then reconcile with … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-06: WELCOME STRANGER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Garbled Gaslighting of Irwin Allen. What the Robinsons thought was a missile heading toward them in the previous episode cliffhanger, turns out to be a spacecraft. It lands, and a regular human man exits. He’s sporting a cowboy hat and a Southern accent. And all the promise that LOST IN SPACE showed in this first Season, as a serious … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-05: THE HUNGRY SEA

Poffy The Cucumber

The Plotline That Needn’t Be. I don’t think the writers know how spaceships work: that they insulate the people inside from extremes of cold and heat. Writers Shimon Wincelberg and William Welch want to get the Space Family Robinson into a situation not unlike the Swiss Family Robinson: out on the open sea in a raging tempest… So begins the … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-04: THERE WERE GIANTS IN THE EARTH

Poffy The Cucumber

Giant Cyclops, Tiny Science. First of all, that title – There Were Giants In The Earth. This ain’t Earth. And that fact alone should make the Space Family Robinson think twice about any interaction they have with the native fauna or flora… it doesn’t, as they go about eating the flora and killing the fauna, even though the movie year … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-03: ISLAND IN THE SKY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bubble-Headed Badboy and Deadly Dr. Smith. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) has gone out the airlock of the Jupiter to apparently “fly” down to the planet they are orbiting to scope it out. One would think there are instruments onboard the spaceship that would carry out all that spectroscopy and visual reconnaissance. Nope. The only piece of tech the writers … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-02: THE DERELICT

Poffy The Cucumber

Sinister Spaceships and Ferocious Furniture. The Space Family Robinson is pulled into a hulking derelict spaceship and attacked by lounge chairs. LOST IN SPACE Season 1 Episode 2 begins exactly where the last episode left off. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) is floating away from the Jupiter 2 after his tow-line has broken, as wife Maureen (June Lockhart) watches helplessly, … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE IX – THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Damage Control while Digging a Hole. The older we get, the farther away from STAR WARS we feel. Use the Force and go in young. And you’ll be fine. In the dark, a blue title card on black background: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” Then – fanfare! Stirring our deep innocence memory banks. That John … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE 2018

Poffy The Cucumber

Handsome, Pretty Handsome. One of the formative TV shows of our youth, LOST IN SPACE, is rebooted as an enjoyable Netflix series, capturing all the dynamics of the original show, and leaving out the camp and the bubble-headed booby. In the year 2046, the space-faring Family Robinson leaves a dying Earth, onboard a mothership of colonists, headed for the star … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-01: THE RELUCTANT STOWAWAY

Poffy The Cucumber

Lost in Nostalgia. The Space Family Robinson, on a pioneering flight to Alpha Centauri, is swerved off course by an evil gay doctor and a bubble-headed booby. This first LOST IN SPACE episode (“The Reluctant Stowaway”) is a grim science fiction adventure tale, set in the bleak “future” of 1997, where a silver-suited Professor John Robinson leads his silver-suited family … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE VIII – THE LAST JEDI

Poffy The Cucumber

This is not going to go the way you think! Writer-director Rian Johnson grabs the STAR WARS universe by the midi-chlorians and shakes until you scream Uncle Owen! If ROGUE ONE was a love letter to the Original Trilogy, then THE LAST JEDI is the Dear John letter to J.J. Abrams. Johnson takes such liberties with the concepts and themes … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE VII – THE FORCE AWAKENS

Poffy The Cucumber

I willfully waited for the fervor to die down. So I wouldn’t have to deal with ubergeeks in Wookiee masks and errant lightsabers up the nostril, while trying to sit comfortably surrounded by idiots wearing Imperial armor or a three-man rancor costume. I succeeded, and EVENTUALLY saw the movie whose hype exceeds its content, in a bare cinema where I … Read More

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SCHINDLER’S LIST

Poffy The Cucumber

The Ones That Got Away (alternate title in Germany?) He was German, a Nazi, a profiteer of slave labor, a philanderer, an adulterer, a confidence man and a traitor to his country. He was Oskar Schindler, who saved over 1,100 Jews from concentration camps in World War II. Reminds me of that joke “…but screw just one sheep…” in reverse. … Read More

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HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Azkabana-fo-fana. Harry Potter’s getting on to “that age.” At the opening of HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN, we meet him in bed under the blankets, playing with his wand. And Hermione is – how shall I say this without sounding as perverse as the rest of you who deny you’re looking? – budding… And Ron is still a … Read More

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HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Chamber of Feebness. The sequel to HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE, HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, continues the richly-layered story of young wizard Harry Potter and his friends in their second year at Hogwarts, the school for enunciating British kids. A monster awaits in a chamber of secrets and only Harry can defeat it using numerous … Read More

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HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Hogwild at Hogwarts. You know that one obstinate guy in the world who hasn’t read any of the Harry Potter books? I’m that cucumber. Confession over, Movie Maniacs. Let’s see what this Harry Potter movie is all about… In HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE, we meet young British boy-wizard Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe), and tag along as his eyes … Read More

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THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE

Poffy The Cucumber

Upside Down On Fire! Produced by Irwin Allen – the godfather of disaster movies – imagine how his ears must have pricked up when he heard the pitch for THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE: “Ocean liner capsizes from a tidal wave and floats upside down as a few passengers struggle their way to the bottom of the ship in the hope of … Read More

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JFK

Poffy The Cucumber

Conspiracy Clearly. To sin by silence when we should protest, makes cowards out of men. –Ella Wheeler Wilcox. When it comes to 9-11, or John F. Kennedy, or Jesus Christ, no one cares what you think. They know what they know. And no one’s gonna tell ’em otherwise. Oliver Stone doesn’t care what you think. He directs JFK with the … Read More

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LINCOLN

Poffy The Cucumber

When Republicans bore resemblance to the human species… A bunch of old, out-of-touch white guys babbling about slavery. The Republican Party hasn’t changed much. Well, back then, as the party of LINCOLN, they were trying to free the slaves; nowadays, they’re working to get them all back. My main question about this ambitious film is: With all the camera operators, … Read More

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MIDWAY

Poffy The Cucumber

Midway between “average” and “annoying crap.” MIDWAY opens with a title card: “This is the way it was. The story of the battle that was the turning point of the war in the Pacific. Told wherever possible with actual film shot in combat. It exemplifies the combination of planning, courage, error and pure chance by which great events are often … Read More

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E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of the Phoning Scrotums. E.T. can levitate. How then does he get left behind on Earth in the first place? D’oh! Used to be the greatest movie ever. When we were ten. From a story by Melissa Matheson, immortalized by director Steven Spielberg (back when he considered aliens benign and wonderful), E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL follows an extra-terrestrial alien named … Read More

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