THE BENCHWARMERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Man-ginas Assemble! Question: How retarded do you have to be to enjoy THE BENCHWARMERS? Answer: Pretty fuckin’ retarded. When Rob Schneider is the best thing in your movie, you’ve got a problem. And when Rob Schneider is actually good in your movie, you really have to wonder at how bad everything else is to make this actor’s excuse for a … Read More

BLADES OF GLORY

Poffy The Cucumber

On thin ice. How much gayer can BLADES OF GLORY possibly be? Answer: None more gay. The words ‘Will Ferrell’ and ‘professional sports’ have no reason to be in the same sentence together. Somehow they keep happening. In BLADES OF GLORY, Ferrell is ice skating champion Chazz Michael Michaels, whose raunchy routines on the ice earned him the moniker “skating’s … Read More

SURF’S UP

Poffy The Cucumber

SURF’S UP, Up and Away. Despite its mundane title, SURF’S UP is a totally tubular surfari of relentless comedy and madboy cuteness. I guess the world having accepted penguins unto its bosom (MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, 2005, MADAGASCAR, 2005, HAPPY FEET, 2006 – to say nothing of BATMAN RETURNS, 1992, or those CROCODILE HUNTER episodes; and then there are those … Read More

MONSTER HOUSE

Poffy The Cucumber

Property Impropriety. MONSTER HOUSE takes urban legend ten steps frightfully further by making the neighborhood “haunted house” a real MONSTER. Young teen DJ (voiced by Mitchel Musso) and his portly pal, Chowder (Sam Lerner), find that the menacing house across the street is actually eating people, with tricycles and basketballs as chasers. Owned by sourpuss, Mr. Nebbercracker (Steve Buscemi – … Read More