ORPHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Kid Ain’t Kidding. Kids are scary to begin with. Little adults with big heads who pretend they don’t know what we’re saying. They’re like clowns: some people find them fun; most know they’re evil. So in ORPHAN, when an upscale couple with two children adopt a 9-year-old orphan with scary theme music, familial bliss is not in the flow … Read More

ROCK N ROLLA

Poffy The Cucumber

High Voltage Rock n Roll. Another twisty, spanky, kablooey tale from the dirty messiah madman who gave us LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS (1998), Guy Ritchie, about expensive hoods, cheap hoods, indestructible hoods, Russian hoods, and a McGuffin painting that we never see that everyone wants. As with Ritchie’s other slambanging movies, describing the plot is a futile exercise, … Read More

HELLBOY

Poffy The Cucumber

Hell-Freed but Earth-Bound. They say he’s from Hell – now is that the Christian version or the ancient Jewish version? Or the Greek version, or Nordic, or Moslem? Why, there are as many versions of Hell as demons from there. But enough about George Bush Junior. HELLBOY is a classic example of hype over-riding content. I am as big a … Read More