CLOUD ATLAS

Poffy The Cucumber

Cloudy with a chance of Atlas. CLOUD ATLAS is six incredibly evocative movies mashed together to make one incredibly annoying one. It’s bolder than most movies, bigger than most, intelligent and well-produced, with epic sweep across past, present and future societies, with grandiose performances, seamless effects and what seems like a million hanging threads – until we realize CLOUD ATLAS is … Read More

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ALL ABOUT STEVE

Poffy The Cucumber

These Boots Are Made For Stalkin.’ Sandra Bullock is sexually frustrated, lonely and crazy. Oh, and in this movie, she plays a sexually frustrated, lonely, crazy spinster named Mary Horowitz, a cruciverbalist (crossword puzzle creator) for a local paper, with a penchant for red leather fuck-me boots, so anal-retentive and uptight that when her editor tells her to be normal, … Read More

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REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

Poffy The Cucumber

Heroes for a Loser Class. If you’ve never done hard drugs before, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM will make sure you don’t. If you’ve puked your guts out over your bed, stayed unwashed for a month straight, and sold your mother’s TV for a fix, well, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM is like last Wednesday. To say Darren Aronofsky‘s unflinching mind-bender is … Read More

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VOLCANO

Poffy The Cucumber

You Maniacs! You blew it up! VOLCANO is nothing but fun fun fun, seeing the city of my residence – Los Angeles, California – the city that has given me nothing but attitude attitude attitude being blown all to hell. Tommy Lee Jones is the head of the Department for Fixin’ Stuff and Anne Heche is a geologist. In the … Read More

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CORALINE

Poffy The Cucumber

Alice in Wonderland meets Alice Cooper. This movie scared the pants off me. Which in turn, scared young children and women with small hips, as I walked out of the theater, pantless. With CORALINE, the MPAA once again proves how little grasp it has in correlating asinine Ratings to actual content. Even as I entered this PG-13 “3D stop-motion” animated … Read More

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MR AND MRS SMITH

Poffy The Cucumber

Emasculation Proclamation. Almost – but not quite – Bennifer. Idiotically tagged “Brangelina,” the publicity-romance dream team of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie explode in popcorn bedlam in MR. AND MRS. SMITH, as married super spies who are unaware that each other is a spy. …Real pros. Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to popcorn and die – … Read More

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