Godzilla’s Carnival of Souls. It’s what’s inside that counts. And inside Godzilla are the souls of thousands of wronged people, the Old Man telling us, “This animal contains the restless souls of countless people who perished during the battles of the Pacific conflict. It wants to attack us because the Japanese people want to forget the pain and agony they’ve … Read More
GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER
Existential-zilla. Haunting and bombastic, touching and savage, mind-bending and monstrous, GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER completes Toho Animation’s daring computer-animated trilogy reimagining Godzilla as destroyer, defiler and deity. As well as the rambunctious production design, evocative cartooning and chilling action sequences, PLANET EATER is a whirlwind of moral conundrums, ulterior agendas and existential magniloquence, as the twisted Cult of Ghidorah calls … Read More
GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS 2019
A retconned Godzilla for a short attention span fandom. A Scientist is reanimating monsters (nay, “titans”) from subterranean hibernation around the globe, to bring balance to Earth’s environment through their radioactivity. (Get it? They’re being “woke” in more ways than one.) A titan named Ghidorah makes all the others do his bidding, causing them to destroy rather than renew. Too … Read More
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS
Destroy All Credibility! DESTROY ALL MONSTERS was planned as the last Godzilla film from Toho Company, which is why, we presume, legendary GOJIRA director Ishiro Honda, Just Doesn’t Give A Fuck anymore. After aliens called Kilaaks gain control of the monsters on Monster Island (translated as “Monster Land” in the English dub), forcing them to destroy Earth cities, Japanese scientists … Read More
GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH
Tyrannozilla Godzasaurus. 2204 A.D. A two-man sub circles an undersea grave of a gigantic three-headed dragon named King Ghidorah. Computers reveal three necks but only two heads, the woman in the sub telling the man, “It originally had three, when it fought Godzilla in the 20th century.” CUT TO: 1992 A.D. Intriguing. But GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH gets stupid very … Read More
GODZILLA: FINAL WARS
Final Bores. GODZILLA: FINAL WARS – the movie where every single Godzilla enemy turns up to try out their new rubber suit design, and where each line of dialogue makes no sense in the context of the line just before it. It’s Godzilla’s 50th anniversary, his 29th film, and the 6th and final film in the Millennium series… and aliens … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO
The Shark Jumpty Dance. GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO is a perfect exemplar of why Godzilla movies are so bad. And – I know what you’re thinking – it’s NOT because of the guys in the rubber suits. It’s because even within the world of the movie – Nothing. Makes. Sense. This movie – like so many other “Godzilla movies” of … Read More
GHIDORAH: THE THREE HEADED MONSTER
Shooting laser beams at our balls. “The flying saucer people are obviously not going to arrive tonight.” The “Flying Saucer People”? Maybe that’s why. That’s one of the more sensible lines in GHIDORAH: THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER, another dimwitted Godzilla movie that brings together four – count ’em, four! – Japanese monsters to try and make a rip in each other’s … Read More
GODZILLA VS. GIGAN
Jumping the Sharkzilla. Extra-terrestrial alien cockroaches defeated by Japanese cartoonist! GODZILLA VS. GIGAN might have retained a semblance of watchability if it had continued the mystery thriller tone of its first act. Young Gengo (Hiroshi Ishikawa) is hired as a cartoonist by a new Children’s Park, that boasts a life-size replica of Godzilla as its office. He meets young Machiko … Read More