STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Wrath Of Cumberbatch. Hold up a mirror to STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN and you get – STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS. We get Spock and his infamous line in the first ten minutes, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”; we get the crisis which can only be diverted by someone illustrating that … Read More

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

Poffy The Cucumber

Big things breaking bigger things. I’m sure the budget of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON could wipe out Liberia’s deficit, so why can’t they afford passable look-alikes for Kennedy and Obama? And while they’re at it, how about a more adept graphic designer, so that when we see a picture of Obama and LeBeouf together, it DOESN’T look Photoshopped?! Director … Read More

STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

Poffy The Cucumber

Deeper Than Deep Space. Even as STAR TREK finds its warp stride with STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY, the franchise runs out of dilythium crystal. Alas, TREK VI would be the last TREK movie to feature the complete Original Cast; before the death of DeForest Kelley (1996), the death of James Doohan (2005), and the outing of George Takei … Read More

STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Final Affront Here. Shatner directs! Oh, what a marvelous disaster! From Shatner’s book, Star Trek Movie Memories, we read about Shatner’s grandiloquent vision for the greatest TREK adventure of all – the search for God Itself! The Final Frontier! We learn of the hordes of barbarians at the gate, of the ten Rock Men finale; of the sweeping alien … Read More

STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

Poffy The Cucumber

The Search for Plot. The rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated. It was a fantastic climax, bringing tears to the eyes of Terrans and Vulcans alike, as Spock bad his final farewell through perspex, busting his Live Long and Prosper sign while face to face with his lifelong friend whom he could not touch, radiation eating at his … Read More

STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of The Motionless Picture. I read Kirk’s book. Laden with anecdotes from the making of seven STAR TREK movies, William Shatner’s Star Trek Movie Memories (co-author, Chris Kenski), is – alas – light years more entertaining than the movies it describes. Shatner’s candor and dry wit propels Movie Memories like the warp drive on his vaunted Enterprise chariot. Alas, … Read More

STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Yes We Khaaaaan! Can we find anyone in the galaxy who can chew more cheese onscreen than James Tiberius Kirk? Yes We Khan! In STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN, Ricardo Montalban (as Khan Noonien Singh) joins the regular cast of three actors (Shatner, Nimoy, Kelley) and four extras posing as actors (Doohan, Takei, Koenig, Nichols) in the feature … Read More

STAR TREK 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same ole. If this don’t keep the fanboys happy, nothin’ will.How do you approach a movie as sodden in mythos as the STAR TREK franchise? The approach must be as trepidatious for film makers as it is for geekboys and weekend viewers alike. Every inch of a production under the STAR TREK aegis would reek of esoterica … Read More

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS 1978

Poffy The Cucumber

Communist Plants in Skeletal Pants. Not the original movie, but probably the best. Director Philip Kaufman’s 1978 INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS remakes Don Siegel’s 1956 movie of the same name, from the 1955 book by Jack Finney. And it is terrifying: Jeff Goldblum’s scarecrow-skinny xylophone ribcage, Donald Sutherland’s style-less white-fro, Veronica Cartwright’s pre-ALIEN whining – oh, and some spores … Read More

STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME

Poffy The Cucumber

Camping in a Row of Future Tense. I could say this movie was “a whale of a time” but it wasn’t really. Starting with a promising premise, as the story unfolded, it quickly lost its porpoise. (Somebody slap me.) Continuing where STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK left off (sometime in the 23rd century), in STAR TREK IV: THE … Read More