SUPER

Poffy The Cucumber

Super Dupe-r. Didn’t somebody already make SUPER and call it KICK-ASS? In SUPER, Rainn Wilson (THE ROCKER) is the putty-muscled nerd who has had enough of bad guys, adorning himself in flamboyant, ill-fitting costume and pipe-wrench, to become the scourge of small-time hoods with his catch-cry, “Shut up, crime!” Like his counterpart in KICK-ASS, Frank D’Arbo (Wilson) also wonders why … Read More

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS

Poffy The Cucumber

When Wizards Collide. Gandalf is SUCH a badass! Wizard against Balrog in a film opening so power-hammering it is astonishing that writer-director Peter Jackson didn’t score a cross-promotion rollercoaster ride at Universal Studios called The Falling Balrog. THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS opens at the middle of the last film, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001), as … Read More

REIGN OVER ME

Poffy The Cucumber

When Sandler’s good, he’s very good. (Did I just say that?) The words Adam Sandler and Acting don’t fit together well. In Mike Binder’s drama REIGN OVER ME, they – ulp! – do. Sandler is Charlie Fineman, an ex-dentist suffering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after his family died in one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center. He has … Read More

ARMAGEDDON

Poffy The Cucumber

Arma Dyin’ Here. Imagine the worst pain and suffering ever. That’s how it’s gonna feel at the end of the world, the mythical Armageddon. Coincidentally, you can feel that exact same pain and suffering by watching Michael Bay’s ARMAGEDDON. ARMAGEDDON is a painful exercise in squeezing every cliché possible into 150 minutes of swooping camera moves, slomo shots of blond … Read More

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

Poffy The Cucumber

Hulk Movie – Smash! Don’t make him… hungry! You wouldn’t like him when he’s hungry… Bill Bixby’s infamous caveat, once again comically bastardized. In Ang Lee’s HULK (2003), Eric Bana delivered it in Spanish at movie’s end; now in 2008, Edward Norton delivers pidgin Portuguese – badly. Neither a sequel nor an origin tale, THE INCREDIBLE HULK is an adrenalized … Read More

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Poffy The Cucumber

deus ex tolkiena. Okay, tattered robes deployed? – check; multiple story lines at the ready to entwine and entangle viewers? – check; sets constructed on a budget which would’ve stamped out hunger in Ethiopia? – check; everyone smeared in poo? – check – let’s roll! Trust me, Gentle Viewer, if you’ve not seen the first two installments of this bloated, … Read More

THAT THING YOU DO!

Poffy The Cucumber

That Thing Done Well is a Thing of Beauty Indeed. Snappy and exhilarating, THAT THING YOU DO! focuses on the rise and fall of a one-hit wonder pop group ensconced in British Invasion-era America. Full credit to writer-director Tom Hanks for crafting an entertaining vehicle in which he stars, that he is not the star of – instead making the … Read More

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

Poffy The Cucumber

The Bling’s The Thing. “Yeh, Woodstock – I was there.” What – as a pair of gametes in two people who were making out while watching Alvin Lee and Ten Years After, you 21 year old peach? Much like Woodstock, John Ronald Reuel Tolkein’s oeuvre has insinuated itself into First World vernacular and most Real Worlders – even if they … Read More