ROCK OF AGES

Poffy The Cucumber

Crock of Ages. My flesh was crawling so vividly during every minute of the mindless, sanitized, second-rate karaoke movie ROCK OF AGES that by the time it ended I was sitting in one seat and my flesh was four seats over. I would sincerely like to kick this movie to death. This whole concept is a MISTAKE. From the Broadway … Read More

HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Inhale. Sit back. Enjoy. HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE is the stoner film just waiting to exhale after Cheech and Chong retired their bong with STILL SMOKIN (1988). Starring John Cho as Harold Lee (AMERICAN PIE 2) and Kal Penn as Kumar Patel (VAN WILDER), WHITE CASTLE is a road movie following two roommate slackers who crave White … Read More

COUPLES RETREAT

Poffy The Cucumber

Club Med(iocre). “Holy shit – this looks like a screensaver!” That’s the funniest laugh-out-loud line in COUPLES RETREAT, delivered by Jon Favreau when the cast arrive at their paradise resort – but it also describes the energy level of this dull excursion into the high maintenance of couplehood. Three couples (Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau and SEX AND … Read More

THE PROPOSAL

Poffy The Cucumber

I Do. Not. A vanilla THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA meets an idiotic GREEN CARD. Did Sandra Bullock learn nothing from her 1995 movie WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING? Here she goes again, blatantly lying about her supposed boyfriend to her supposed boyfriend’s family, to cover an empty life of lovelessness. Predictable? Check. Funny? Check. Cute little white dog named Kevin? Check. … Read More

WATCHMEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair! And the fanboys whine like bitches. The “unfilmable” graphic novel, WATCHMEN – has been filmed! Cry the beloved comicbook and let slip the dogs of nihilism. WATCHMEN is epic and sexy and bloody; sensual and visceral and brutal; more than a comicbook, more than a messianic cry of madness; flamboyant costumed heroes, … Read More