FIRE DOWN BELOW

Poffy The Cucumber

Fire Nowhere Near. In the unfocused environmental actioner FIRE DOWN BELOW, Steven Seagal (as undercover EPA federal agent Jack Taggart) strides from one fist-fight into the next with that same expressionless expression, and with a startling command of aikido. (I was unaware you needed a 7th dan to investigate spilling of toxic waste.) Into the backwoods of the Kentucky hills, … Read More

KILL BILL VOLUME 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Bridal Power. Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. — William Congreve, “The Mourning Bride” (1697). The second installment of Quentin Tarantino’s KILL BILL masterpiece blasts in with “Chapter Six”– Yes, a movie starting at Chapter Six is audacious enough, but this chapter itself is a flashback to the … Read More

KILL BILL VOLUME 1

Poffy The Cucumber

Revenge is a Bumblebee. Revenge is a dish best served cold. — opening text, KILL BILL, VOL. 1 Something about Uma Thurman in her yellow and black top-to-toe leather, lopping limbs and severing arteries – how hot is that?! Quentin Tarantino writes and directs KILL BILL VOLUME 1, an epic masterpiece of simple brutal story, brutally vicious direction, viciously creative … Read More

THE KARATE KID

Poffy The Cucumber

Wax On, Whacks Off. A bean stem moves to a new school in Los Angeles and proceeds to take regular beatings from the school bullies for sniffing around the head bully’s ex-girl. He takes karate lessons from that guy from HAPPY DAYS – karate not for philosophy or exercise or disciplinem but to beat up the bullies. Two wrongs make … Read More

THE FOOT FIST WAY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Foot Mouth In. FOOT FIST WAY is the literal English translation of Tae Kwon Do. And the ancient Tibetan translation is Not Quite Comedy. Produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, Danny McBride’s THE FOOT FIST WAY is an uneven bid at indie cult, as it explores themes of narcissism and self-esteem, filled with non-sequitur characters, bad actors, and … Read More

KUNG FU PANDA

Poffy The Cucumber

Movie: Chop Socky. Message: Kung Fooey. With astounding cinematography, well-written characters, directorial creativity, incredible technical prowess and stunning animation, KUNG FU PANDA only lacks in one department – its message that Prophecy Is Better Than Practice. Directed with kinetic frenzy by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson like Michael Bay meets John Woo, the awesomeness of the Panda is diluted with … Read More

DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY

Poffy The Cucumber

Jeet Kune Don’t. Bruce Lee was an artisan, an innovator, an indomitable warrior, a genius. Inspiring many to create tributes to him. It unfortunately does not follow that those inspired to create these tributes are creative enough or qualified enough to do those tributes justice. Such is the case with DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY. Not really a story about … Read More