BLACK PANTHER

Poffy The Cucumber

Black EmPantherment. “Millions of years ago,” Movie narrates to us, “a special effects meteorite made of vibranium – the strongest substance in the universe – struck the special effects continent of Africa. Five special effects arms rise from the soil to represent the Five Tribes that would form the special effects country of Wakanda. A special effects panther god named … Read More

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

Poffy The Cucumber

Captain America: Bromance War. Captain America versus Iron Man in a battle to the bromosexual. When The Avengers try to stop a terrorist from killing civilians, and end up killing civilians themselves, the United Nations steps in and calls a halt to their devastating pearbottoms. General Ross (William Hurt, playing a character from Hulk lore, in this movie where the … Read More

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

Poffy The Cucumber

The wrath of Tolkien, the majesty of Jackson, the fickleness of Fandom. Wizard Peter Jackson concludes the movie trilogy that stole his baby fat. THE HOBBIT comes to a spectacular end – greed, fury, purity of heart and interspecies love – to the wonderment of appreciative moviegoers and the chagrin of sniveling purists. THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE … Read More

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of the Action Sequences. Hobbit Bilbo Baggins and the troupe of Dwarves from Erebor continue their quest through Middle Earth to reclaim the Dwarves’ homeland from the Dragon Smaug. Along the way they are attacked by Orcs, cocooned by giant spiders, imprisoned by Elves, barreled through rapids, smuggled by a boatman, sculpt a statue of gold, and ascend through … Read More

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

Poffy The Cucumber

Back and There – Again… Swooping over mountainscapes aglow with ice, through subterranean caverns ahowl with goblin revelry, over battlefields strewn with armored death, through the living forests of Mirkwood and the majestic spires of Rivendell… damn, it took me a long time to get to the theater! The epic journey begins; the prequels, if you will, to THE LORD … Read More

THE OFFICE

Poffy The Cucumber

Office Spaced. Genius Ricky Gervais forges one of the greatest comedy series in history, co-writing, co-directing and starring in THE OFFICE. No punchline required. Before we proceed with this joyous excursion into comedic venality, let us clarify the world in which we live in (thank you, Paul!): there is only *one* THE OFFICE. That is: Ricky Gervais’s and Stephen Merchant’s … Read More

ALI G INDAHOUSE

Poffy The Cucumber

Big Ups. And Much Sideways. Bet Charles Dance has never in his career said anything remotely like: “Is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed half-naked man chained to a fence being tossed off by an old blind council worker?” The half-naked man is hip hop defender of the Westside Massive turf of Staines, west of London, … Read More

HOT FUZZ

Poffy The Cucumber

Buzz Fuzz. In 2004, the zombie comedy (“zomedy”?), SHAUN OF THE DEAD, hit us like a shovel to the face. HOT FUZZ is like that same shovel – to the bollocks. Harder, heavier, grittier and gruesomer than SHAUN, Brit import HOT FUZZ throws down action badder than Hollywood’s baddest bad boys – and it’s a comedy. The same team that … Read More

THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

Poffy The Cucumber

Mining the Diary, Missing the Madman. Douglas Adams did not live to see his wondrous literary creation, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, made into this feature film. Maybe that’s fortunate. Each individual component of this movie is well done, from Garth Jennings‘ direction, to the astoundingly creative set design (all the good guys sport spherical décor, the bad guys, … Read More