Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More
GODZILLA: TOKYO S.O.S.
Sacrifice Our Rubber Souls. I cried for the moth. Then I cried for the human. Then I cried for the ROBOT! GODZILLA: TOKYO SOS is a heart-rending, dambusting actioner that turns our eyes into running rivers, as it revolves around one word: sacrifice! One year after GODZILLA AGAINST MECHAGODZILLA (2002), Godzilla is heading toward Tokyo again, as the military races … Read More
GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE
Godzilla the McGuffin. Never in the history of Godzilla films (excepting the 1954 original) have humans had such an integral and compelling role in a Godzilla film, as they do in GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE. For the second time in Earth history, we’re watching a Godzilla film for the fates of the people! CITY picks up exactly … Read More
GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA
The Godzilla movie that doesn’t need Godzilla. In GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA, Godzilla’s name may be in the title, but he’s nothing but a bit player. The real star is King Caesar. When a mechanical-Godzilla starts destroying Japan, Godzilla gives it the ole college try to stop it, but is routed by Mechagodzilla’s lasers and sensual finger missiles. Enter the mythical … Read More
TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA
The Tyranny of Evil Men… Mechagodzilla is re-forged by aliens, and Titanosaurus is mind-ruled by scientists, sent to kill Godzilla, who is ass-raped by moviemakers. Opening montage: oh shit! – the American version – we can tell immediately: an American narrator pisses his pants trying to sound cogent during a Boolshit Maximus montage that he is clearly making up as … Read More
GODZILLA AGAINST MECHAGODZILLA
Mega Godzilla! TITLE CARD Tateyama, Chiba Prefecture. A TV reporter being battered by driving rain, describing the tempest. Behind him, the sea roils. As he says, “It’s huge and getting bigger by the minute!” his crew stare gape-mouthed at what’s behind him, rising from the deep: a gigantic creature, spiked back, blackened skin, dinosaurian in aspect. CUT TO A shopkeeper … Read More