GODZILLA VS. KONG

Poffy The Cucumber

Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More

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GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS 2019

Poffy The Cucumber

A retconned Godzilla for a short attention span fandom. A Scientist is reanimating monsters (nay, “titans”) from subterranean hibernation around the globe, to bring balance to Earth’s environment through their radioactivity. (Get it? They’re being “woke” in more ways than one.) A titan named Ghidorah makes all the others do his bidding, causing them to destroy rather than renew. Too … Read More

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SUPERMAN RETURNS

Poffy The Cucumber

Ol’ Blue Eyes Is Back. So much strength, so little underpant. Superman is back. With his underpants hiked low enough to make George Reeves blush the color of cape. In SUPERMAN RETURNS, the blue-clad avenger sports a decidedly European bikini, giving a low-slung nod to the thong-exposed sluts we call modern teenagers. And the color of cape is no longer … Read More

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X2: X-MEN UNITED

Poffy The Cucumber

X-traordinary. In X2: X-MEN UNITED, the two factions of warring mutants we met in X-MEN (2000) unite against a common enemy: homo sapiens. And all genetic babbling breaks loose… The “good” mutants (the ones tagged with the X-Men epithet) are Professor X (Patrick Stewart), Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, Wolverine, Iceman and Rogue (joined by additional cast, Nightcrawler and Colossus); the … Read More

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