AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Poffy The Cucumber

Deus ex Marvela. The Elevator Pitch: “Think: BACK TO THE FUTURE meets STAR TREK IV – the Avengers travel back in time, to retrieve these McGuffins in the past that will fix things in the present.” And producer Kevin Feige asked, “Can it be wacky, like in BACK TO THE FUTURE where they’re sneaking around their past selves and suddenly … Read More

ANT-MAN AND THE WASP

Poffy The Cucumber

Quantum Cop-Out! ANT-MAN AND THE WASP cops out on its grandest concept – the quantum realm! In ANT-MAN (2015), Dr. Hank Pym warned Ant-Man not to turn off his regulator, for fear of shrinking too small and entering the Quantum Realm, “…where all concepts of time and space become irrelevant as you shrink for all eternity.” The key phrase – … Read More

ANT-MAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Who woulda thought OUR IDIOT BROTHER would become a superhero? Paul Rudd is the eminently likable yet totally miscast lead in Marvel’s ANT-MAN, a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero. Master electrician and not-so-master burglar Scott Lang (Rudd) is recruited by reputable scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) to … Read More

THE GHOST AND THE DARKNESS

Poffy The Cucumber

A Bridge Too Roar. In 1898 Kenya, the construction site of a railway bridge over the Tsavo River is terrorized by two man-eating lions so vicious and elusive they become known as THE GHOST AND THE DARKNESS. Lt. Col. John Paterson (Val Kilmer, high off TOMBSTONE and BATMAN FOREVER) is sent to the stricken Uganda-Mombasa Railway work site (by financier … Read More

SNL 40

Poffy The Cucumber

Celebrating 40 Years of Stunning Mediocrity. The American comedy institution SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE continues its tradition of not being funny, by throwing a 40th Anniversary Special and not being funny. SNL 40 is not only Not Funny, it’s embarrassing, pathetic and painful. Why do these people put themselves through this? Why do they put US through this? Why do audiences … Read More

WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS

Poffy The Cucumber

Freakonomics and Con-sumerism. “The mother of all evil is speculation…” So says Gordon Gekko in WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS. 23 years after WALL STREET (1987), Gekko’s back! Oliver Stone‘s sequel to that pimping film is just as confusing and hedonistic, with its insider knowledge and corporate thuggery, but set very much in the present of the 2008 economic meltdown. … Read More

WALL STREET

Poffy The Cucumber

Up against The Wall. Veteran stockbroker Gordon Gekko wakes upstart stockbroker Bud Fox in the middle of the night with a phone call, to remind him the Hong Kong markets are open: “Money never sleeps, pal!” WALL STREET is a powerful albeit slightly cheesy look at the inside of insider trading. Co-writer/ director Oliver Stone, with his characteristic insider knowledge … Read More

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST

Poffy The Cucumber

Ghost of Dickens Past turns in his grave. Many filmmakers still feel obligated to pay homage to the marriage and reproduction rituals of the mainstream culture. — Keay Davidson, Carl Sagan, A Life. Men, when you’re dragged by your fem-boss like the vagina-whipped pussy you’ve become, to see GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST, at least take solace in the film’s educative … Read More

THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT

Poffy The Cucumber

A Romantic State of Union. “Romantic comedies” have long been relegated to the demeaning stable of Chick Flicks because their sophomoric bent allows them no breadth of intelligence or forays into behavior with balls – pussies browbeat men into behaving like pussies, whilst pulp novella situations play out in a world inhabited by pussified male models and Jennifer Lopez. Director … Read More

THE SENTINEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Running Fast but Standing Still. Can’t help feeling I’ve seen it all before somewhere: Michael Douglas as a middle-aged man having an affair (FATAL ATTRACTION, DISCLOSURE); a plot to assassinate the President (IN THE LINE OF FIRE and a hundred other weaker films); Kiefer Sutherland playing some kind of government agent trying to prevent a Presidential assassination (24), and Kim … Read More