THE HAUNTING 1999

Poffy The Cucumber

The terror of bad direction, editing and acting. Not to be confused with THE HAUNTING OF HELL HOUSE, released in the same year, THE HAUNTING is the tiresome, overlong, yawnfest remake of the 1960 movie of the same name. The only reason it’s terrifying is that it illustrates how low the bar for horror movies has sunk. Dr. Marrow (Liam … Read More

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MARLEY AND ME

Poffy The Cucumber

The Pursuit of Crappyness. In the insensate family comedy, MARLEY & ME, a young couple (Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston) buy a labrador puppy that we know the film wants us to regard as mischievous, lovable, cute, but which is, in reality, retarded, for when it grows to adulthood, it still has not learned one shred of discipline and cannot … Read More

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ARMAGEDDON

Poffy The Cucumber

Arma Dyin’ Here. Imagine the worst pain and suffering ever. That’s how it’s gonna feel at the end of the world, the mythical Armageddon. Coincidentally, you can feel that exact same pain and suffering by watching Michael Bay’s ARMAGEDDON. ARMAGEDDON is a painful exercise in squeezing every cliché possible into 150 minutes of swooping camera moves, slomo shots of blond … Read More

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ZOOLANDER

Poffy The Cucumber

A Stiller Thriller. Did you ever think that there was more to life than being really really really ridiculously good-looking? – Derek Zoolander. ZOOLANDER (directed by Ben Stiller, co-written by Ben Stiller, starring Ben Stiller) is Ben Stiller’s best film. Ever. Did I mention Ben Stiller? Written by Stiller, Drake Sather and John Hamburg, ZOOLANDER follows Stiller, as the eponymous … Read More

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