WORLD TRADE CENTER

Poffy The Cucumber

A Date With Density. The pitch: Two men get trapped in a mine shaft. Nothing happens. Then they get rescued. The end. The suits harrumph: where’s the drama? The screenwriter and her agent scramble: well, we flash back to generic good times with families and watch the trapped guys banally discuss heroism and loyalty and STARSKY AND HUTCH. The suits … Read More

SUPERMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

One Part Steel, Two Parts Cheese. This movie did for Superman what KING OF KINGS did for Jesus – burned an iconic image of a fictional god into world consciousness. And the Word was made Flesh. And the Flesh was Christopher Reeve. So unknown at the time of his casting that he might as well have been from Krypton, Reeve … Read More

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

Poffy The Cucumber

Sunshine Superman. We’re gonna die. That seems to be the main thrust of Al Gore‘s symposium on sunshine and line graphs. Woiking that Power Point mean machine like a Marketing Manager Gone Wild, the man who used to be “the next President of the United States” assails us with facts, figures and forecasts in AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, outlining possibly the … Read More

THE SENTINEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Running Fast but Standing Still. Can’t help feeling I’ve seen it all before somewhere: Michael Douglas as a middle-aged man having an affair (FATAL ATTRACTION, DISCLOSURE); a plot to assassinate the President (IN THE LINE OF FIRE and a hundred other weaker films); Kiefer Sutherland playing some kind of government agent trying to prevent a Presidential assassination (24), and Kim … Read More

CONSTANTINE

Poffy The Cucumber

Inconstantine. Beautifully shot in ochre tinge, evoking a mythopoeic superstructure, creative camera bespeaking thoughtful setups and engaging angles, striking cinematography accentuating iconic imagery and mellifluous art direction, it’s a pity CONSTANTINE is such an insensate, half-headed dog of a film. This movie was better when it was called THE MATRIX. Traversing between two parallel dimensions, Neo – I mean, John … Read More

V FOR VENDETTA

Poffy The Cucumber

V versus W: No Betta Vendetta. …an expression of a mood, and it is a warning. The mood it expresses is that of near despair about the future of man, and the warning is that unless the course of history changes, men all over the world will lose their most human qualities, will become soulless automatons, and will not even … Read More

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET 1994

Poffy The Cucumber

A Muddle-Headed Miracle. WARNING TO DIABETICS: The syrup content of MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET is so high that the surgeon general advises not to watch it, for danger of inducing diabetic neuropathy and gastroparesis. Les Mayfield (ENCINO MAN) directs this remake of the 1947 “classic,” about a Coles store Santa who claims to be “Kris Kringle” (Richard Attenborough), and is … Read More

FUN WITH DICK AND JANE 2005

Poffy The Cucumber

Not Much Fun with Dick and Jane. To say that Adam Sandler is turning into a mediocre actor is a compliment of the highest order. To say the same thing about Jim Carrey is a tragedy for American Cinema. Not exactly a “boring” movie – but FUN WITH DICK AND JANE 2005 (remade from the 1977 movie of the same … Read More

MUNICH

Poffy The Cucumber

An Ingenious Fantasy by a Fantasy Genius. MUNICH is not about Munich. Nor is it about events which followed the massacre of Israeli athletes. It is about Steven Spielberg’s ego. And how far into Audacious he can drive it without becoming Oliver Stone. This movie’s tagline boasts, “The world was watching in 1972 as 11 Israeli athletes were murdered at … Read More

EVOLUTION vs. CREATIONISM | Education Takes A Hit And Myth

Jon Dunmore

Education Takes a Hit and Myth. Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity – and I’m not sure about the universe. — Albert Einstein. he first time I heard the words “intelligent design,” I thought it was a euphemism – however misapplied – for Evolution. But it has nothing to do with Evolution. And it has nothing … Read More

BATMAN AND ROBIN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Battiest of them all. Why does George Clooney waggle his head like that when he talks?… And how did he infiltrate Wayne Manor’s impenetrable security system – Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Gough) – to become the next Batman? I suppose Alfred – in seeing no less than three Batmen pass through his hallowed halls (Keaton, Kilmer, Clooney), simply puts it … Read More

FAHRENHEIT 9/11

Poffy The Cucumber

My Fellow Americans (er…kind of), One part of me wants to live the peaceable life, wallowing in my hobbit hole, unmindful of the B-29 Superfortresses amassing off the Normandy Coast, staring out at the stars and asserting that Clint Eastwood is the greatest example of Manhood in our century, whilst another side of me wants to shake the shoulders and … Read More

HELLBOY

Poffy The Cucumber

Hell-Freed but Earth-Bound. They say he’s from Hell – now is that the Christian version or the ancient Jewish version? Or the Greek version, or Nordic, or Moslem? Why, there are as many versions of Hell as demons from there. But enough about George Bush Junior. HELLBOY is a classic example of hype over-riding content. I am as big a … Read More