BATMAN V SUPERMAN: Why Martha Matters

Jon Dunmore

The Real Reason “Save Martha” Stopped Batman.. hen Batman stayed his hand against Superman in BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE due to Superman uttering the name “Martha,” why did everyone freak the fuck out about that plot point? WHY DID EVERYONE FREAK OUT?! I can’t believe how comicbook aficionados did not see the real reason “Save Martha” stopped Batman. … Read More

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THE SUICIDE SQUAD 2021

Poffy The Cucumber

When Wrongs Make Right. What makes DC’s THE SUICIDE SQUAD of 2021, different from their 2016 movie of the almost same name, SUICIDE SQUAD? Well, many more things than just THE – R-rated, deeper characterization, rapscallion director, premium swearing, delicious gore, and moral ambiguity right up the chocolate starfish. Written and directed by James Gunn, it’s better in many ways … Read More

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ZACK SNYDER’S JUSTICE LEAGUE

Poffy The Cucumber

Justice for the Justice League. A harrowing journey from Zack Snyder’s brain to our eyes, but at long last the true vision of JUSTICE LEAGUE has been realized. And it is everything a superhero movie should be: gods and devils, bombast and quietude, punching and mind-games, good and evil, sacrifice and hope, with the fate of the Earth hanging… on … Read More

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GODZILLA VS. KONG

Poffy The Cucumber

Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More

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BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM: DELIVERY OF PRODIGIOUS BRIBE TO AMERICAN REGIME FOR MAKE BENEFIT ONCE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

Poffy The Cucumber

For Make Benefit of US&A. I was terrified that if Trump got in again, that America would be a democracy in name only… I felt very clearly from the start of the last administration that we were heading towards authoritarianism. And so I felt I had to do something. — Sacha Baron Cohen The moral of this story: You fuck … Read More

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KISS 2020 GOODBYE

Poffy The Cucumber

KISS vs. Muhammed in a Battle to the Bitch. Even though KISS 2020 GOODBYE is one of the biggest single rock shows on planet Earth, there’s something much bigger at stake here: the future of live music. Overcoming the diabolical logistics of the covid pandemic to put on this mastodon show didn’t just prove how meticulous KISS and their crew … Read More

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COBRA KAI SEASON ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Beating us Beautifully with Moral Ambiguity. Well, what a surprise COBRA KAI is! One of the best series reboots of a campy 80s movie franchise, proving old rivalries never die, they just get and sexier and dorkier. The original 1984 KARATE KID was just ROCKY with an Italian Ferret (both movies directed by John G. Avildsen). In that movie, Daniel … Read More

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DEATH TO 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

Like telling 9-11 jokes on 9-12. DEATH TO 2020 – an uncomfortable mix of bad history and worse comedy. “Bad” not meaning it’s incorrect information, but that the information is not edifying or satisfying. Because we’ve all just died through it – lost our jobs, our lives, our loved ones. As crazy as this sounds to say, watching a documentary … Read More

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THE MIDNIGHT SKY

Poffy The Cucumber

Tragedy Insufferably Painted as Redemption. THE MIDNIGHT SKY is indecisive on whether to be a human drama set in space, or a science fiction film loaded with human drama. It ends up sacrificing both genres to George Clooney’s beard. A worldwide catastrophe has made the Earth’s surface uninhabitable – something to do with republiKKKans blocking climate change legislation, I’m guessing … Read More

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PROJECT POWER 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

Survival of the Pillest. There’s a new black market pill on the streets of New Orleans. It’s called “power.” Gives you five minutes of a super power. But you don’t know what that power is until you take it. You might get super-strungth, become fast as a cheetah, or become invisible like a camouflaging chameleon. Or it might just blow … Read More

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QUEEN: THE SHOW MUST GO ON – THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke. This article draws heavily from my ADAM LAMBERT Tribute. It is combined with that piece for the purpose of a video review for Dunmore’s Movie Mania. Just so you don’t freak out and wonder why I’m plagiarizing myself. THE SHOW MUST GO ON: THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY is a thinly-disguised short biography of the … Read More

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DAVE CHAPPELLE: 8:46

Poffy The Cucumber

The Number of the Beast. Dave Chappelle vents on the death of George Floyd and the re-fuel of a movement. June 6, 2020. An open-air venue, Wirrig Pavilion in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Can’t be more than a hundred people attending, temperature-checked as they enter, all masked; seating in twos on cheap wooden chairs, each pair isolated from the rest. Is … Read More

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THE WRONG MISSY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Wrong Wishy. A movie filled with characters you want to kick in the head, THE WRONG MISSY is an Adam Sandler production that hits all the wishy-washy romcom clichés as it falls out of the douchebag tree. You can smell the high level of stink in Adam Sandler productions like these, because even Adam Sandler won’t star in them, … Read More

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EXTRACTION 2020

Poffy The Cucumber

Behold in breathless wonder… the film making! His name is Tyler Rake. Rake, not to be confused with hoe, which is his profession – mercenary, selling his services for cash. Chris Hemsworth is special ops action-merc Tyler, hired to rescue an Indian drug lord’s son from a rival drug lord in Dhaka, Bangladesh. EXTRACTION is a straightforward snatch-and-destroy, chase-and-defend, bullets-and-meatballs … Read More

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JERRY SEINFELD: 23 HOURS TO KILL

Poffy The Cucumber

A made-up, bogus, not-necessary special event. In an effort to sound less vanilla, Jerry Seinfeld tries to “Carlin up” his 2020 Standup Special – and winds up just another shade of vanilla. To comedy aficionados, the words Seinfeld and Carlin should not be uttered in the same breath (and I too am paying the penance for my utterance, by spending … Read More

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AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Poffy The Cucumber

Deus ex Marvela. The Elevator Pitch: “Think: BACK TO THE FUTURE meets STAR TREK IV – the Avengers travel back in time, to retrieve these McGuffins in the past that will fix things in the present.” And producer Kevin Feige asked, “Can it be wacky, like in BACK TO THE FUTURE where they’re sneaking around their past selves and suddenly … Read More

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AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

Poffy The Cucumber

The Mundane Magic of Marvel. Everyone dies. The End. Audience gape in shock as Star-Lord fade to ashes [ooo-spoilers!], gnash their teeth when T’Challa float away on breeze, cry in anguish as Spider-Man say, “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good…” But all we have to do is glance at imdb to see that sequels to GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, … Read More

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SPOTLIGHT

Poffy The Cucumber

Pederast Priests and The Coverup That Rocked a Religion. What other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? — Bill Maher, REEL TIME, March 2013. If only the movie SPOTLIGHT was called BUSTING RAPIST PRIESTS, maybe it would be better served by its title. … Read More

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ADAM LAMBERT: The Fury and the Passion (and the High Heels)

Jon Dunmore

Over the entire season, you have been one of the best, most original contestants we’ve ever had on the show. And the whole idea about doing a show like this is that you hope that you can find a worldwide star. I genuinely believe with all my heart that we have found that with you. — Simon Cowell, AMERICAN IDOL … Read More

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AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

Poffy The Cucumber

Blammo Brigade finds Intelligence. Artificially. AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON is not just your same ole blammo-fest with sugarbottom; merely the second movie in the AVENGERS franchise, ULTRON has moved leaps and bounds beyond its predecessor. Yes, there is blammo, but interspersed liberally with morally ambiguous characterization, tentative romance, quiet introspection, self-effacing humor and – that trend in modern plot devices … Read More

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