CHAPPIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Slumdog versus Wolverine in REAL STEEL 2: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE BOOGALOO. Another day, another dystopian future. Neill Blomkamp IS the new Terry Gilliam. CHAPPIE is his third crazed metal masterpiece, pitting idealistic slumdog against capitalistic wolverine. In 2016 (yup, “The Future”!) Johannesburg is the first city in the world to instigate an all-robot police force; humanoid in appearance, unthinking, unfeeling, undiscerning, … Read More

THE INTERVIEW 2014

Poffy The Cucumber

The Propaganda Never Starts… Two American talk show numbnuts score an interview with the dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, and try to assassinate him in the process. It’s THE INTERVIEW, banned by everyone gutless enough to believe the threats of North Korean nationalist hackers who said they would bomb theaters that screened it. How they planned to do that … Read More

AMERICAN SNIPER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Sheepdog Cometh. Clint Eastwood directs Bradley Cooper as AMERICAN SNIPER Chris Kyle in a heroic story about a decidedly unheroic slimeball. They call Chris Kyle America’s Greatest Sniper, racking up over 160 confirmed kills over four tours in Iraq. Kyle, a Navy SEAL, who supposedly adheres to a much higher code of honor than us regular cucumbers, self-effacingly claims … Read More

BREAKING BAD SEASON ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Another Fine Meth You’ve Gotten Us Into, Yo! BREAKING BAD is about a man who finds his balls. Walter White (Bryan Cranston) is a middle class suburban chemistry teacher with a wife and crippled son, who discovers he has cancer, and stumbles into a situation that allows him to create inordinate wealth to provide for his family before he dies … Read More

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

Poffy The Cucumber

The wrath of Tolkien, the majesty of Jackson, the fickleness of Fandom. Wizard Peter Jackson concludes the movie trilogy that stole his baby fat. THE HOBBIT comes to a spectacular end – greed, fury, purity of heart and interspecies love – to the wonderment of appreciative moviegoers and the chagrin of sniveling purists. THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE … Read More

OCULUS

Poffy The Cucumber

Illusion Occlusion. It’s all done with mirrors! A haunted mirror. A spinner redhead. A ship’s anchor. Things in a chilling, original, truly eerie horror movie. Is it real, or is it OCULUS? There is no escape from what you think you see. Kinda like TMZ. Feisty Kaylie Russell (Karen Gillan) tries to destroy an antique mirror from her childhood, claiming … Read More

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Poffy The Cucumber

True Horror: no budget! Give a shout out to marketing. And synergy. Internet in its infancy, Reality TV exploding, indie film, unknown actors, creation of a new genre (“found footage”) – THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT hit the sweet spot of horror movie history during a perfect storm of cultural upheaval. Filmed for a buck-forty-five on hand held cameras with three … Read More

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE

Poffy The Cucumber

Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way you know it. MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE is to movies what a car accident with a head in the street is to traffic. Untold tragedy. People die. Lives change. No, that’s not the car accident – that’s from watching MANOS. But you cannot … Read More

BIRDMAN: OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)

Poffy The Cucumber

The Birdman Flyeth Higheth. And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth. — Raymond Carver, “Late Fragment” (opening titles to BIRDMAN) BIRDMAN exists in a surreal modernism that is wholly self-aware of its connection to reality, reveling in … Read More

PLANET OF THE APES

Poffy The Cucumber

A Planet where apes evolved from overactors. POFFY VIDEO REVIEW available only.   END PLANET OF THE APES (Apr 1968) aka: MONKEY PLANET. Director: Franklin J. Schaffner. Writers: Pierre Boulle, Rod Serling, Michael Wilson. Music: Jerry Goldsmith. Starring: Charlton Henston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore, James Daly, Linda Harrison, Robert Gunner, Lou Wagner, Woodrow Parfrey, Jeff Burton, … Read More

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Poffy The Cucumber

The D-List goes A-Team. He’s committed to the ridiculous in a way that is sublime. — Joss Whedon on James Gunn helming GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. It’s hip, it’s modern, it’s retro. It’s colorful and calamitous. It’s THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!– The Who of the What now? Marvel Studios throws the dice and comes up Ee-Oh-Eleven with an unknown … Read More