Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is a pseudo-religious sham promising fake redemption. I’M NOT SAYING you can’t like Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. I’M JUST SAYING you like it for all the wrong reasons. Leonard Cohen is a master songwriter. And I’ve got nothing against Cohen himself – he lived a life of high poetry, contemplation, womanizing, creation and the pursuit of darkness, until … Read More
KISS | Should Ace & Peter Still Be In KISS?
Ace & Peter – In or Out? ’m not saying: Ace and Peter should not be in KISS. I’m just saying: Ace and Peter should not be in KISS NOW. In 1973 KISS was belched forth – from Hell!!! – Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley and Peter Criss crafting their image as four individual characters, to appeal to different … Read More
GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE
Giant Lizard and Big Ape against Big Lizard and Giant Ape. GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE is another Monsterverse CGI glutfest that removes all gravitas, fear and nobility from the titular creatures and replaces it – with punchaboo. Remember KONG: SKULL ISLAND? Where’s that enraged beast that brooked no interaction or interference from humankind? Remember 2014’s GODZILLA? Where’s that … Read More
UNFROSTED
Dry outer layer, fake sugary center. It’s really just more of like a kitschy, uh, thing, which is one of the most unfunny—well, maybe it’s just a bad trailer… — Sam Seder, Majority Report. Jerry Seinfeld continues his unblemished record of never being funny. UNFROSTED supposedly recounts a fictional battle between Kellogg’s and Post Cereal to invent the pop tart. … Read More
GODZILLA MINUS ONE
Godzilla Minus Heft. GODZILLA MINUS ONE opens with Japanese kamikaze pilot Koichi (Ryunosuke Kamiki) landing his fighter aircraft at a repair station on Odo Island, reporting the plane as faulty. Godzilla aficionados go nuts. Odo is, of course, where Godzilla was first sighted in the very first GOJIRA (1954). It is 1945, the end of World War II, and the … Read More
BATMAN V SUPERMAN: Why Martha Matters
The Real Reason “Save Martha” Stopped Batman.. hen Batman stayed his hand against Superman in BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE due to Superman uttering the name “Martha,” why did everyone freak the fuck out about that plot point? WHY DID EVERYONE FREAK OUT?! I can’t believe how comicbook aficionados did not see the real reason “Save Martha” stopped Batman. … Read More
THE SUICIDE SQUAD 2021
When Wrongs Make Right. What makes DC’s THE SUICIDE SQUAD of 2021, different from their 2016 movie of the almost same name, SUICIDE SQUAD? Well, many more things than just THE – R-rated, deeper characterization, rapscallion director, premium swearing, delicious gore, and moral ambiguity right up the chocolate starfish. Written and directed by James Gunn, it’s better in many ways … Read More
ZACK SNYDER’S JUSTICE LEAGUE
Justice for the Justice League. A harrowing journey from Zack Snyder’s brain to our eyes, but at long last the true vision of JUSTICE LEAGUE has been realized. And it is everything a superhero movie should be: gods and devils, bombast and quietude, punching and mind-games, good and evil, sacrifice and hope, with the fate of the Earth hanging… on … Read More
GODZILLA VS. KONG
Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More
BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM: DELIVERY OF PRODIGIOUS BRIBE TO AMERICAN REGIME FOR MAKE BENEFIT ONCE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
For Make Benefit of US&A. I was terrified that if Trump got in again, that America would be a democracy in name only… I felt very clearly from the start of the last administration that we were heading towards authoritarianism. And so I felt I had to do something. — Sacha Baron Cohen The moral of this story: You fuck … Read More
KISS 2020 GOODBYE
KISS vs. Muhammed in a Battle to the Bitch. Even though KISS 2020 GOODBYE is one of the biggest single rock shows on planet Earth, there’s something much bigger at stake here: the future of live music. Overcoming the diabolical logistics of the covid pandemic to put on this mastodon show didn’t just prove how meticulous KISS and their crew … Read More
COBRA KAI SEASON ONE
Beating us Beautifully with Moral Ambiguity. Well, what a surprise COBRA KAI is! One of the best series reboots of a campy 80s movie franchise, proving old rivalries never die, they just get and sexier and dorkier. The original 1984 KARATE KID was just ROCKY with an Italian Ferret (both movies directed by John G. Avildsen). In that movie, Daniel … Read More
DEATH TO 2020
Like telling 9-11 jokes on 9-12. DEATH TO 2020 – an uncomfortable mix of bad history and worse comedy. “Bad” not meaning it’s incorrect information, but that the information is not edifying or satisfying. Because we’ve all just died through it – lost our jobs, our lives, our loved ones. As crazy as this sounds to say, watching a documentary … Read More
THE MIDNIGHT SKY
Tragedy Insufferably Painted as Redemption. THE MIDNIGHT SKY is indecisive on whether to be a human drama set in space, or a science fiction film loaded with human drama. It ends up sacrificing both genres to George Clooney’s beard. A worldwide catastrophe has made the Earth’s surface uninhabitable – something to do with republiKKKans blocking climate change legislation, I’m guessing … Read More
PROJECT POWER 2020
Survival of the Pillest. There’s a new black market pill on the streets of New Orleans. It’s called “power.” Gives you five minutes of a super power. But you don’t know what that power is until you take it. You might get super-strungth, become fast as a cheetah, or become invisible like a camouflaging chameleon. Or it might just blow … Read More
QUEEN: THE SHOW MUST GO ON – THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY
The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke. This article draws heavily from my ADAM LAMBERT Tribute. It is combined with that piece for the purpose of a video review for Dunmore’s Movie Mania. Just so you don’t freak out and wonder why I’m plagiarizing myself. THE SHOW MUST GO ON: THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY is a thinly-disguised short biography of the … Read More
DAVE CHAPPELLE: 8:46
The Number of the Beast. Dave Chappelle vents on the death of George Floyd and the re-fuel of a movement. June 6, 2020. An open-air venue, Wirrig Pavilion in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Can’t be more than a hundred people attending, temperature-checked as they enter, all masked; seating in twos on cheap wooden chairs, each pair isolated from the rest. Is … Read More
THE WRONG MISSY
The Wrong Wishy. A movie filled with characters you want to kick in the head, THE WRONG MISSY is an Adam Sandler production that hits all the wishy-washy romcom clichés as it falls out of the douchebag tree. You can smell the high level of stink in Adam Sandler productions like these, because even Adam Sandler won’t star in them, … Read More
EXTRACTION 2020
Behold in breathless wonder… the film making! His name is Tyler Rake. Rake, not to be confused with hoe, which is his profession – mercenary, selling his services for cash. Chris Hemsworth is special ops action-merc Tyler, hired to rescue an Indian drug lord’s son from a rival drug lord in Dhaka, Bangladesh. EXTRACTION is a straightforward snatch-and-destroy, chase-and-defend, bullets-and-meatballs … Read More
JERRY SEINFELD: 23 HOURS TO KILL
A made-up, bogus, not-necessary special event. In an effort to sound less vanilla, Jerry Seinfeld tries to “Carlin up” his 2020 Standup Special – and winds up just another shade of vanilla. To comedy aficionados, the words Seinfeld and Carlin should not be uttered in the same breath (and I too am paying the penance for my utterance, by spending … Read More