THE STAND

Poffy The Cucumber

My Favorite Martian versus Garth Brooks. This story should have stayed in our heads. Reading Stephen King‘s daunting 1000+ page The Stand (restored version, of course), nothing “visual” could intercept our imagination driving onto the wastelands of a dead earth, seeing an unseeable being (Flagg) in our mind’s eye, envisioning the disturbing horrors of the Lincoln Tunnel gridlock, the appendix operation, … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE II – ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Poffy The Cucumber

CGI = Cast Grossly Inessential. George Lucas doesn’t make book on The Beatles’ Can’t Buy Me Love. Flagrantly disregarding the word “budget,” Lucas feels that by throwing the baby, the bathwater, the soap AND the rubber ducky at audiences, it will buy him the love and respect he seems so desperately to be craving. STAR WARS: EPISODE II – ATTACK … Read More

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HANNIBAL

Poffy The Cucumber

A few nights ago I accidentally watched HANNIBAL on cable. Surfing with the alien, my remote became my god, channeling for high-grade sewage, while I helplessly stood by and made bagels. (Cream cheese, m’dear?) Settling unnervingly on the couch with kippers and chardonnay, I found I had lost my towel. And the movie only made matters worse… Julianne Moore played … Read More

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ENTERPRISE

Poffy The Cucumber

First Ship, First Captain, First Mistake. Merchandising: the final frontier. With a title theme song that sounds like Trey Parker ululating a poignant 80’s hair-band power-ballad, ENTERPRISE launches Blacula and his vampire cohorts onto the lids of lunchboxes and into comic book and action figure mayhem across the known geek universe. Their mission: To boldly go where no B-actors have … Read More

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